10 Secrets to Keeping the Peace During the Holidays

It’s been said that “We need to talk” are four of the scariest words most people have ever heard. That particular short sentence strikes fear into the hearts of the bravest of us. And yet, the willingness to have a difficult conversation is one of the factors that will boost your chances of success in life in pretty much any given area.

When we are willing to have difficult conversations we increase the chances of career promotion, relationship success, and even our ability to learn new things.

But there is one time when a difficult conversation just doesn’t seem like it could possibly lead to success – party time. No one wants to have a difficult conversation right in the middle of a family celebration. And if the stories I heard around last year’s holidays are any indication of what’s to come this year, being prepared with some practical tools for keeping the peace will probably come in pretty useful.

Here are some key things to remember during those family dinners (yeah, the ones where you are in danger of losing your sh*t.)

1. The “Reason” for the Season. Yeah, I’m not really going there. But speaking of “reasons”- the reason you are having dinner with your family most probably isn’t for the purpose of changing anyone’s mind about anything. I know this might be a tough idea to swallow. I mean, sure we all wish we could change someone’s mind about tough issues that we are passionate about, but seriously – Thanksgiving dinner isn’t the place to even remotely think this can happen. We’re here to enjoy each other’s company and celebrate our blessings. And you do remember that thing your parents taught you, right? – the three topics to just NOT bring up when you’re serious about enjoying someone’s company and you’re pretty certain you might not agree on everything? This is basically “Keeping the Peace at Family Dinner 101”. You don’t remember? Really? Okay – sex, religion, politics – those are the three topics to avoid unless you KNOW that everyone at the table can genuinely enjoy the conversation. If any of those topics is going to make someone squirmy, or pissed off, or embarrassed – well then just don’t.

2. Witchcraft. (Ha! Did you just have a reaction?) Well, if you’re reading this article there’s a good chance that you have an interest in spirituality, magic, law of attraction, prayer, meditation, or some other witchery. Basically, you want to use your superpowers to imbue the world with goodness and light, yes? Okay – here’s your chance to shine. Turn up the wattage on LOVE AND LIGHT today. Yes, I said it. If you know me you know I’m not one who ever signs off with “Love & Light”. Actually I usually sign off with “Love & Magic”. The difference? Magic isn’t always about bringing the light. It has a dark side. A shadow side. And if you’re meeting with family for Holiday dinner today, then today isn’t the day to bring the darkness. No, today, focus on bringing more light. Keep in mind that what you focus on expands. Focus on whatever good you can find. Be a Jedi. Use Be a superhero. FOCUS.

3. Imagination. Imagine that everyone at the table secretly agrees with your views. They’re just too scared to stand up for what they believe. But inside, they KNOW that YOU have the goods. Smile and give them a slightly conspiratorial wink. Just pretend. This might be my favorite tip on this list.

4. Memory. Remember a time when your views were different than they are now. I mean, you have changed your mind before, yes? You are teachable, right? Right. So, remember that everyone starts somewhere and your relatives and loved ones have the same chance of changing their thinking. It might seem impossible that it could ever happen, but anything is possible. AND…today is NOT the time to verbally try to change their thinking by debating them. (See No. 1 above)

5. Screenplay writing. You might not have an interest in writing a screenplay, but here’s why I’m bringing this up. Writing for a movie is very different than writing a book – it’s completely focused on the visual as opposed to the literary. So, if you were really intent on getting your message across without using words – how would you do it? And what exactly IS your message? Do you want to show up with a message of kindness, equality, love, hope, peace, inclusion? How can you imagine embodying that message without speaking a word? Because, basically, actions speak loudest.

6. Breathe. When you own your breath, no one can steal your peace. Obviously the rest of the people at the table might not share your Jedi mind abilities or lovely intentions and they all might just veer off into the dark side whether you like it or not. Keep breathing. Remember that YOU alone are responsible for your own reactions and responses.

7. Bank Robbers. When bank robbers do their thing it’s usually in their best interest to put the getaway car in a spot that facilitates a speedy escape. (I have no personal experience robbing banks but I have seen a few movies.) So, if it makes you feel better, park the car and keep your coat and purse in a spot where you can make a clean break if you need to. I do have experience with this strategy. One year, as a family, we made a deal that if things got heated at the dinner we were attending we’d head out pronto. We kept our word, quickly buzzing through the crowd blowing kisses, giving hugs, and saying “Was great to see you all! We’re heading out now! Love you!” And out the door we went. Buckle up kids…(imagine sounds of tires squealing). Phew. Deep breath.

Note: These next three keys are emergency measures in case you just can’t help yourself and feel you MUST dive into the fray and open your mouth. (No judgment here, I might will probably dive in myself.)

8. Ownership. It’s important to remember that you alone are responsible for your own emotions, feelings, responses and reactions. So, no finger pointing or blaming allowed. You’re free to feel whatever you feel, of course. And you’re also free to express how you’re feeling, just remember that your feelings are about you and your values. No fair saying “You make me angry” or “He makes me crazy” – Just take ownership and be willing to say “I feel so angry when I see xyz.” A related useful idea: Your standards are for you, everyone else gets to be let off the hook.

9. Judgments. Your level of consciousness (basically your ability to make magic) is directly related to your lack of judging. Besides, your points will be received more readily if you step away from judging or blaming. Key idea: No one gets to be wrong.

10. Kindness. An idea I find really useful is that “injudicious niceness is a socialized disease”. In other words, niceness is something we’re taught at an early age and it absolutely is not always appropriate. Niceness looks like agreeing when you don’t, or laughing at a joke that’s in bad taste. Niceness usually means you stuff down your own beliefs and opinions and paste a fake smile on your face so as to not offend anyone, and often the people we are hoping not to offend are offenders of the worse kind themselves. These same offenders often say we “aren’t nice” because we refused to “sit down and shut up”. So, yeah, I’m not generally for being nice for the sake of being nice. However, KINDNESS is different. Kindness is just about always appropriate and it is a powerful act that can often facilitate goodwill where nothing else can. I’m reminded of the late Wayne Dyer’s famous question: Would you rather be right or be kind? Choose kindness, you can’t go wrong with this choice.

So there you have it! However you choose to spend your holidays, I hope you spend them enjoying many blessings, being responsible, making magic, and loving life.

Love & Magic,




If you’re interested in being able to navigate difficult conversations with ease and grace from a place of empowerment check out my “Voice of Love” self-study workshop. It’s a short & sweet workshop that gives you amazingly simple and powerful tools to support you in mastering sticky conversations. Perfect for the holidays, and you’ll use these tools for the rest of your life.  I’m offering this workshop at a “name your own price” for the month of November because I want you to have these tools now!








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The Power of Feeling ALL of the Feels

I often find myself telling clients (and reminding myself) that ALL of our feelings are a miracle. All of them…even the ones that don’t feel good.

In personal growth and Law of Attraction (LOA) circles that message gets run over by a whole lot of advice to “feel good”. And yes, feeling good is attractive, desirable, and feeling good brings more good feelings, I get it, and I agree…


But we are human and we were made with the capacity to feel LOTS of different feelings and emotions, many that suck don’t feel good.

When we touch fire, it hurts.
When something awful happens to someone we love, it hurts.
When we get our heart broken, it hurts.

We have a whole complement of feelings, and quite frankly, half of those feelings suck. Anger, depression, illness, frustration, sadness, physical pain, emotional pain, confusion, disgust, hopelessness, fear – the list goes on and on. An endless list of feelings we all spend a lot of time and energy avoiding. Because…they don’t feel good.

So, if feeling good is the goal, what happens when these other feelings surface? What do we do with them? How do we deal with them?

We feel them. Plain and simple. And then, we listen to what they’re saying.

In some instances it’s automatic – [see reference above to touching fire]. We don’t usually even have to take any time to listen at all – we touch the hot surface and our pain receptors SCREAM at us to retreat at once! And so, we usually do, with not a lot of thought processing. Sort of like when that reckless driver pulls out in front of us and we immediately slam on the brakes.

In other instances it isn’t automatic at all – like when we keep wanting to “talk it out” with someone who doesn’t share our interest in a conversation or when we can’t stop visiting our estranged lover’s social media pages – in spite of knowing that doing this is going to cause more pain. (Do you really want to see those obnoxious pictures of him and his new squeeze? Of course you do. And yeah, please just don’t.)

Actually, the issue isn’t really good feelings vs. bad feelings at all. That’s just the surface description. The deeper issue has to do with energy, and power. The choices are either being empowered or being a victim. So instead of focusing on feeling good, or feeling bad, I want to give you a few tips that will help you feel more like the POWERFUL creator that you are meant to be, and less like a powerless victim who can’t seem to conjure up anything worth celebrating.

This distinction is important, because when we give away our power (to others, to circumstances, or to feelings and emotions) we end up in Victimland. And when we allow our self to stand in our power, exercise our power,  cultivate our power, we end up in Magicland.

When we stuff our feelings instead of recognize them, acknowledge them, and express them – we are giving away our power – or maybe even better to say we are leaking power, this is an energy drain, a power leak.

So here are a few tips to help you stay in a powerful place when those “other” feelings arise.

1. Take some time to acknowledge and NAME the feeling. Carrying the burden of emotions that we are ignoring or suppressing leads to anxiety. Research shows that naming our emotions lightens the burden. People who have a wider emotional vocabulary experience less of an emotional burden, so expanding our emotional vocabulary beyond sad, mad, glad, and scared is a good idea too. (But you can start there! Sad, Mad, Glad, and Scared are the most common descriptors and most of us are very familiar with those terms.)

2. Take some time to FEEL the feeling. This can be scary. The sadness, anger, or grief you’re trying to ignore might seem like a bottomless pit of wild emotion and you might be afraid that if you open up to it you’ll fall in and won’t be able to get back out. In reality what usually happens instead is that a great deal of relief is experienced once we give our self permission to feel the feelings.

3. OWN the feelings. This can be as simple as speaking the words, “I feel sad.” An important thing to also note here is that there is a subtle yet powerful difference between “I am sad” and “I feel sad” – the difference is owning the feeling, instead of allowing the feeling to own you.

4. EXPRESS the feeling. And remember that there is a difference between expressing a feeling appropriately and allowing an inappropriate display of emotion. It probably goes without saying that displays of emotion such as screaming, yelling, emotionally or physically abusive actions, name-calling, and all violence across the spectrum – from throwing things to punching a wall to murdering someone to death – are inappropriate. The thing we don’t often learn is that there are plenty of ways to express feelings appropriately – the most powerful of them being to just verbalize the emotion and take ownership of it. “I feel really angry when I see this happening.” or “I feel so frustrated when I experience this situation.”

5. Stop faking it. You totally have done this before, right? – Smiling and acting like nothing in the world is bothering you when in reality you feel like you’re going to explode like that bowl of chili you left in the microwave too long.
Yeah, “fake it til you make it” they tell us. And, I totally get that sometimes this might be the best course of action. When your boyfriend just dumped you and your cat needs knee surgery and your boss just told you that he’s looking for someone to replace you and he’ll need you to train them – well, it might not be fair to unload all of that on the already over-worked waitress when she hops up to your table and cheerfully asks “How ya doin, today?”

But what you can do – as soon as possible – is give yourself the time and space to entertain those feelings. And yes, I consciously chose the word entertain – like a guest. A guest that might not have been invited specifically, but who nevertheless has shown up with something important to say. Choose a time, like a date. And a place, where you can be undisturbed for a while.

6. REACH OUT for support if you need it. There are scores of healers and helpers and caring people who have made it their mission in life to help when the weight of these feelings and emotions feels too heavy. Phone a friend, or make an appointment with a therapist, or a coach. Or your rabbi. Just reach out if things feel too hard, too heavy.

You are a powerful creator learning to navigate your way through new experiences, and sometimes the seas are rough.

7. And then – LOVE the feeling, or at least love the part of you that is feeling the feeling so intensely. Yes, this is the hard part. Loving instead of judging is a work of huge import, integrating the shadowy parts of our self that we’ve previously tried to hide and suppress. This integration leads to a united will, and a united will produces the most powerful creative energy possible.

Recognize that by naming, feeling, owning, and expressing the feeling instead of ignoring it, suppressing it, denying it, or faking it you are empowering yourself.
By taking responsibility and reaching out for support, you are supporting your own power.
By loving what is, you are stepping into a delicious place of magic making.
You are separating yourself from the feeling and taking responsibility for how you are dealing with it. You are NOT your feelings. You are NOT your thoughts. You are NOT your emotions.

You are a powerful creator, and you are in the process of making magic.

Love & Magic,



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What is Ready?

What is ready?

This is the question that came to me this morning as I was thinking about the September Full Moon. Each full moon has a name, the September Full Moon is called the “Harvest Moon”.

In my course MOONLIGHT, we use the full moon as a metaphor for illumination. We allow the timing of the full moon to illuminate what might still be hidden. This particular full moon shines upon what is ready to be harvested.

I often refer to life as a garden, and intentions as invisible seeds that grow into our life experience. I like using metaphors, they can be very useful and powerful coaching tools.

And this is a particularly powerful question to answer right now as we observe September and the Full Moon: “What is ready?”

Note the exact phrasing of this question. I’m not asking “What is the world ready for?” or “What do you think your family is ready to know about you?”, or even “What are you ready for?” but only, “What is ready?”

What is coming forth from your inner being that feels ready? And not only ready to sprout, but ready to blossom into full bloom?

What whispers are beginning to shout in your soul?

What little ideas and thoughts are beginning to not just appear in your dreams, but possibly have now made their way into your normal life and conversation – a word or two or three being incorporated into your every day vernacular.

[NOTE: A lovely reader just informed me that the “official” harvest moon is Oct 6! So I did a bit of research and discovered that September’s full moon is actually a “co-harvest” moon, called the Full Corn Moon. I don’t know about you but this really thrilled me, because it feels like an abundant harvest to me with TWO harvest moons in a row. Here is a great article that explains what makes a “harvest moon”.]

So, now that you know about this super abundant harvest – What is ready? And who will you become when you begin to harvest it?

Love & Magic,


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Love and the Law of Attraction

This morning I got an email from someone asking for help with love and the “law of attraction”.

She wanted to know why this law worked for her in every area except love. This is probably the third or fourth letter like this I’ve received in the past week. Letters from readers telling me that the law of attraction, or conscious creation, “works” great for them in all other areas of life – every area but one: Love.

They tell me that they’ve used LOA to get great results in their lives. They’re confidently using the law of attraction to create more money, great living spaces, wonderful career opportunities, a great social life full of fun events with wonderful friends. But…their love life isn’t that great. They’ve tried everything, but “it” isn’t working.

These emails have come to me from diverse people in diverse places. Different countries. Differing cultures. But there is one common denominator in all of these recent queries. They all want to use law of attraction to attract a specific person.

And here’s my reaction every time I read a similar email: Uh Oh.

Why do I have that reaction? Because even though I’m an expert in relationship and a powerful magician, I’m never going to work magic to attract someone who is not interested.

My friend Jeannette Maw (THE law of attraction coach) calls this “The Voodoo I Don’t Do“, and I’m completely with her on this point – I don’t recommend using LOA (or any other method!) to try and attract a specific person when that specific person isn’t interested. And for every single one of these emails that is the case – someone trying to attract a person who is obviously not interested in them.

I’m going to tell you a personal (and vulnerable) story. Years ago I was married to a man that told me he wanted a divorce. Just like that. After many years of marriage suddenly my marriage was over. I had worked SO hard trying to be the best wife on the planet, and still – he just wasn’t interested anymore. I was heartbroken, and my pride was hurt. This was painful and I was determined to turn things around. I tried to discover what could change this dynamic. I asked myself a lot of questions.

What could I do differently? How did I attract this situation? How could I change his mind? How could I get him to fall in love with me again? And all the while he was making it perfectly clear that he didn’t want to be married. He didn’t want me. He wasn’t interested. 

And suddenly, after many days and weeks and months of struggling about this, I had a moment of clarity.

I asked myself a very powerful question, a question that changed my life:

Why in the world do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? 

And with that one question I was free.

Why did that one question have such a powerful effect on me? Because I knew in that moment that the person I wanted to be with was someone who was wildly in love with me and wanted me without question. Someone who loved me and wanted to shout it from the mountain tops.  Someone who I’d never have to persuade or use magic on to attract.

Going through a divorce was still painful, but this revelation lessened the pain considerably. It also was the beginning of a long path of discovery, and not just self-discovery, but discovery of the ingredients that make a great relationship.

I won’t go into detail about those ingredients here, but I will say that when you’re in a great relationship you know it. You don’t wonder if it could be better, and you certainly don’t spend time wishing it were. Good relationships become great relationships because the right ingredients are present and both parties contribute consciously to make them better and better.

Are you’re feeling attached to the idea of being with a specific person that just isn’t that into you? Try asking your self the question that changed my life. Ask with curiosity, and not judgment. Ask expecting to hear an answer. Get quiet, spend some time having a heart to heart conversation with yourself. You might be surprised at what you hear. I guarantee there is wisdom there yet to be uncovered. 

And if you’re feeling ready to attract a relationship that feels like a million bucks, that shines like the sun, that makes your heart sing…

Join me for the next round of MOONLIGHT – A Course in Manifesting Love. Registration is open for just a few more days.

Love & Magic,

P.S. Here’s what one participant had to say about MOONLIGHT:
“The MOONLIGHT course was nicely structured. I loved the ritual, because it felt like real magic! I thought it was really cool to be able to share thoughts and ask questions in the Facebook group, it was a great support. I know for sure now that attracting men is easy. It’s been such a pleasure interacting with you, you are so generous and helpful.”
~ Sonia F., France

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Waxing and Waning: What I’m Learning from the Moon

It seems that my whole life I’ve had an affinity for the moon. I usually attribute that to my namesake (Cynthia is another name for Diana, or Artemis – a moon goddess). As a child one of my favorite books was James Thurber’s Many Moons (which probably also contributed to my love of pen and ink drawing). The first piece of jewelry that I remember owning was a crescent moon necklace. I just loved the moon. Or maybe I should say that I loved moon shaped things and trinkets and stories about the moon. The attention that I paid to the actual moon was haphazard at best. Hit or miss. Like occasionally I would notice how bright she was, how full she was, or what a tiny sliver she was – all by happenstance. I could never have just told you what phase the moon was in at any given time, not back then.

Until about a decade or so ago. For whatever reason I started paying more attention. I began by faithfully noting and celebrating the New moon. It made sense for so many reasons – my Jewish heritage honors a lunar calendar and the new moon, or Rosh Chodesh, is often observed as a special women’s celebration. And, besides – my namesake is a moon goddess, science agrees that the moon affects us humans (you know – our human bodies are more than 50% water and the moon does control the tides and all), and well, magic – any decent magician knows that the moon phases can support magical workings.

So, a few years ago I began observing the moon phases in earnest. Closely paying attention to each particular phase of the moon. Researching and acting on whatever tidbits I unearthed dealing with magical timing and rituals and what works best and when. (Sidenote: An amazing book I’ve owned and used for almost 20 years is called Moon Time: The Art of Harmony with Nature & Lunar Cycles by Johanna Paungger and Thomas Poppe – published in 1996. It is astounding the information this book covers relating to moon cycles – such as the proper time to build and plant and refinish floors and have surgeries and you name it – seriously a thorough examination of this topic!)

After a year or so of passionately observing the lunation cycle and living according to its rhythm I got so jazzed up over the results I was seeing from just this one act that  I created a program called MOONLIGHT to support others in observing this beautiful and powerful cycle.

I’ve learned a lot by living in the flow of this cycle, and following the waxing and waning of the moon has taught me something that feels especially valuable right now. I’ve been learning about life’s ebb and flow in a deeper way. Experiencing LIFE’s “waxing and waning” on a whole new level. It seems amazing that everything we learn can be learned in deeper and deeper ways.

Years ago I heard someone say that “pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” Life has painful moments – pain is inevitable. However, we don’t have to suffer, or at least we don’t have to suffer nearly as much as most of us do, if we realize that contrast can actually support our experience of conscious creation.

Contrast – defined quite simply as “what we don’t want” – can actually be the best informant of what it is we do want – but so often we spend so much time resisting the contrast, fighting against it, complaining about it, fretting over it – in a nutshell: suffering – that we don’t use the contrast to its best advantage – namely recognizing the life changing information the contrast is showing us quite clearly regarding what it is we’d actually like to create.

Science has taught us that everything is energy, and since everything is energy, everything changes when we shift the energy in our experience – and the fastest way I know to shift energy is to get rid of tolerations. Sometimes this looks like clearing clutter (best done during the waning moon by the way) and sometimes it looks like reinventing relationships. Most of the time it looks like stronger boundaries.

We get what we tolerate. And when we are tolerating things we suffer.

Life has an ebb and flow. The tarot (another of my obsessions passions) has a card called The Wheel of Fortune. I sometimes inadvertently call it “The Wheel of Life” – because that’s what it always seems to represent to me. Life is a montage of experiences that cover the gamut of polarities – and just like the range of emotions we have – all experiences can be useful if we let them.

One of the seven hermetic principles is the principle of rhythm, explained in the Kybalion (a text of hermeticism) by the following quote:

“Everything flows, out and in; everything has its tides; all things rise and fall; the pendulum-swing manifests in everything; the measure of the swing to the right is the measure of the swing to the left; rhythm compensates.”

A very useful thing we can remember is that there are no mistakes, there is only human experience.

This one belief can radically shift your experience from one of huge “pendulum swings” to an experience that feels more even, more constant, aligned with the flow of life instead of wildly swinging from one extreme to the other (feast or famine) or swimming against the tide (constantly resisting what’s happening).

The way of nature is the way of least resistance. The contrast we experience doesn’t have to produce endless suffering, but can be used to inform us of what we really want. Contrast is a messenger that heralds the way towards releasing tolerations and creating more well-being, more ease, more flow, more alignment – more magic.

One of the things I constantly emphasize in my MOONLIGHT course is that the lunation cycle lasts approximately 29 days. A new moon, a full moon, and then…a new moon again – all in the span of 29 days.  Considering the average life span will allow most of us at least 900 moon cycles,  we can surmise that it’s really never too late to make a change.

We can take away a great lesson from this beautiful cosmic clock – life has an ebb and flow, as one cycle begins another ends, and then it begins again. Whatever you wish you’d done differently, chances are you’ll get another chance. Don’t be afraid to take it! It might not come in the way you’d expect, but the wheel of life does keep turning, always bringing the possibility of a new perspective with each revolution.

I’m excited to see what the Moon will teach me next. Apparently, the sky’s the limit. (*wink*)

Love & Magic,




P.S. MOONLIGHT – A Course in Manifesting Love opens again for registration on October 19, 2017.


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The Power of Acceptance

Do you have some things going on in your life right now that are hard for you to accept? If you said, “yes”, you’re in good company – and a very large company at that! I can imagine that most of us can say yes to that question. As I write this I’m enjoying a pain free day – after more than a week of enduring a migraine headache – I’ve had my share of migraines over the years, and they’re never something I find myself readily accepting.

Pain is not an easy thing to accept. But this week I found myself more and more readily accepting the pain, getting curious about it, wondering how it was serving me – and asking myself what the “trick” was to accepting (and releasing) this pain.

I’m reminded of the scene in Lawrence of Arabia where Peter O’Toole puts out a flame with his fingers. When another man tries it he quickly exclaims that it hurts (!) and asks “What’s the trick?” “The trick,” Lawrence answers, “is not minding that it hurts.”

There is a lot of truth in that statement. When we can step into that place of “not minding”, that place of acceptance, that’s the place where we begin to see big shifts and serious magic. Why? Because that’s when we step into non-resistance.

In the practice of conscious creation we hear a lot about non-resistance. One of my favorite ideas to remember when I’m resisting anything is that “non-resistance is imperative to magic”. We just can’t create much when we are resisting something, except more of what we are resisting.

And although we may be quick to think that “resisting” is when we say “No” to something – such as the current political upheaval creating teeming crowds of “resistors” that are “resisting” or “saying no” to the current administration’s policies and actions – like Princess Leia leading her army, “The Resistance” to stand against (say “no”) to Darth Vader and his storm-troopers – when we resist this way (by saying “no”) we could label it “aversion” or “opposition”. This is usually what one thinks of when considering resistance.

However, there is also another form of resistance that actually seems more like saying “yes” – this is known as “Attachment”. In the same way that aversion is characterized by an inner energy of “saying no” – “NO NO NO, I don’t want this!”, Attachment is characterized by “saying yes” – or maybe more like “PLEEEEASE I’ve just gotta have this this this!” Attachment to specific outcomes often has the essence of begging and pleading in it – a very graspy type of energy.

Both positions, “NO NO NO!” and “PLEASE YES THIS PULEEEEZZZ!” are both forms of resistance. In both instances we are resisting “what is”. Resistance can be felt in the body. If you are wondering whether you are attached to a specific outcome just take a moment to scan your physical body for a sense of stress, or holding, or tension as you consider the circumstance.

When we are resisting what is, we are usually in the process of creating more of it.

The answer to this conundrum is acceptance. Acceptance leads to allowing.

By accepting what is we aren’t saying that we like it, love it, or want it to stay this way. We are just recognizing that “it is what it is” and realizing our own power in the situation.

We can go a bit further by adopting the idea that we actually created it this way for some reason that benefits us on some level. In some way, this thing is serving us. I like to get curious and ask myself, “Hmmmm how is this serving me? What am I loving about this situation?”

Once we get to this point of acceptance we can move into the place where we can choose something different – without striving, without aversion to what is, without attachment to specific outcomes, without resistance.

Non-resistance is imperative to magic. Acceptance is how we let the magic begin.

Love & Magic,


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Pink Hats, Magic Spells, and Non-resistance










This past weekend millions of women (and men!) marched all over the globe, peacefully, purposefully, powerfully – for the cause of equality. Many of them were wearing pink hats. I’m still wearing mine, here at my desk, as I type these thoughts.

I am a part of the LOA community, and I not only consider myself a spiritual person, but a magical person as well.

But not everyone in spiritual circles feels good about the idea of taking action. And it seems that many are confused and trying to choose the most spiritual path where taking action is concerned – “To act or not to act”, that seems to be a serious question right now for conscious creators. To speak up, or to keep silent.

This uncertainty is evidenced by the mixed messages being presented to our spiritual circles. Some want to call out those who aren’t speaking out or taking action, and some feel it is unspiritual or unenlightened to take action – saying that such actions are fear based, or rooted in anger and conflict, or not coming from a high enough vibration.

Here’s what we might be missing in this equation – the consideration of energy (the evidence of which is clearly seen in our emotions, beliefs, and actions.)

Energy covers a spectrum ranging from the lowest level which looks like despair and depression and shows up as lethargy to the highest level which is experienced as non-judgment and absolute passion and results in creation. At this highest level we create amazing and often miraculous results – at the lowest level we feel apathy, depression and suffering. The depths of despair, avoidance, and victimization are the hallmarks of the lowest level of energy.

As conscious creators we certainly want to reach for the higher end of the spectrum. And most of us will have to climb the ladder one rung at a time to get there, regardless of what level we are starting from.

At the bottom of the energy spectrum is victim energy – when we experience this level of energy we ask “Why is this happening to me?” This is the place where it seems that there are things happening to us that we have no control over – a place where many people are finding themselves right now in this current political conflagration. And – it is basically impossible to leap up to the top of the energy ladder where absolute passion, nonjudgment and miracles reside when the leap we’re trying to take is from that lowest rung – it’s just too big of a leap. We have to reach the next possible rung first, which is actually the energy of conflict – this is the level where anger, competition, and defiance reside – here we get angry about what’s happening “to us”. And although most of us don’t like the way anger feels, it still is a slightly higher level of energy than victimhood. Our anger, when honored and acted upon appropriately, will bring the next rung of the ladder within reach – this is the level of responsibility and cooperation. This is the place where no one controls our emotions, it’s the place we choose forgiveness, and it’s also the place where we allow our anger to transform into productive action. All of our coping skills exist in this range of energy as well. Think about someone who has been mistreated and is simmering in their anger about the injustice they’ve experienced – when they decide to take action to begin the process of turning things around – they’re moving up the ladder and getting closer to the energy of compassion and concern – emotions that are often evidenced by the actions of true service. This is where compassion and concern get a chance to shine. And from this place of service we can easily imagine and entertain ideas of how things could be better for everyone involved. A win-win seems possible from this vantage point. And being able to see a win-win will bring us even closer to the place where we can reach up for joy – and from there we can tap into the wisdom of the collective unconscious and from here it’s not too far to the top of the ladder where life is created each moment using all of the other levels at will, without fear. I often call this energy level the “Jesus level” or maybe the “Dalai Lama” level *wink* – because if we could actually resonate on that level all of the time we could walk on water. This is the level that creates miracles. Very few people have ever managed to consistently live there at the top. Most of us have to climb the ladder, one step at a time, maybe even on a daily basis.

The current political environment is frightening to many people. In some spiritual communities there seems to be a semi shaming of anyone taking “fear based actions” – but there is no shame in feeling fear. Ask any woman who has narrowly escaped being raped. Fear is a very useful emotion, as is anger. When we feel fear or anger we are receiving very important information. It is crucial to know what to do with those emotions, and deciding it is wrong to experience fear or anger is not useful. In fact, hiding those emotions, acting as if they don’t exist, stuffing them down, pasting a smile over them and pretending that everything is fine is exactly the strategy that results in women staying in abusive relationships.

The world we experience is always mirroring back to us what we believe. It doesn’t serve us to look away from the mirror. We look into a mirror to check our hair, to see if we have food in our teeth; we look, we decide what needs fixing, and we fix it. We don’t argue with the mirror, we don’t smash the mirror, we just take the action we need to change the reflection. What we are seeing in politics and our government right now is a reflection of who we are collectively as a nation. We have to be willing to see it if we’re going to fix it. We can’t heal our shadow if we aren’t willing to see it. And in light of what we are seeing, it seems obvious that our collective energy level is nowhere near the top of the energy scale, and it’s too far to leap to the top in one step.

I’m the first person that wishes we could wave a magic wand and see this whole mess change into something wonderful for everyone. I’m not opposed to magic, prayer, focusing, visioning, believing, and having faith. In fact, I rely on these things. And, I also know that magic works best when it is married to the mundane. We live in a mundane world that requires mundane action. Do I believe that miracles can happen? Of course. I also believe that it’s quicker for me to get a candy bar by walking down to the corner store and paying a dollar for it than by working a magic spell and sitting down on the couch to wait for the candy bar to come to me.

We often hear about the importance of “non-resistance” in conscious creation. But non-resistance doesn’t mean non-action. It is certainly possible to take no action at all and still be resistant from an energetic standpoint. A good example of this is the answer I get from so many women when I ask about conflict – they tell me that they never experience conflict with anyone. They choose to remain silent to avoid conflict. But when we keep silent because we don’t want conflict, the conflict just goes inward and then we struggle (resistance) with internal conflict.

Non-resistance doesn’t mean that we are willing to take abuse or accept any circumstance or behavior that comes our way; it just means we don’t energetically struggle against what’s happening. Our greatest weapon is not a violent one, but comes with acceptance of what is and then choosing the non-violent action to achieve what is better. This is how we resist without resistance. Anyone that practices martial arts will understand this type of “fighting without fighting” concept. We do whatever we do from a place of peace and acceptance. We have to first accept what is, and to do that we have to be truthful about what is. It doesn’t mean we like what is and want to keep it, it just means that we find the truth about it and then decide on right action.

A perfect example of this ‘resisting without resistance’ is the 2007 uprising in Burma where 100,000 Buddhist monks resisted non-violently, marching in the streets for democracy against a cruel military regime. Can you imagine the energy level of that particular group?

It has been said that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. That idea includes all of us. There are plenty of people heroes, past and present, who’ve been willing to stand up, speak out, and take action to change things for the betterment of the entire human race. We enjoy many freedoms because of their unselfish acts of heroism. I won’t dishonor these heroic actions by labeling them “unspiritual” or “unenlightened”.

There is a mundane world that requires mundane tasks, and there is also a world we can’t see with our physical eyes. Those of us who believe in things we cannot see are familiar with both worlds – we pray, and we work. We do magic and we take mundane action. Change comes because of both.

There will be those of us who take action without praying much. There will be those of us who work a lot of magic without taking mundane action. Those of us marching need those prayers. Those of us making magic will no doubt celebrate the victories of those who march.

I believe in magic. I believe I was born to traffic in miracles. I see things on a daily basis that can only be attributed to something preternatural. And, I also perform a variety of mundane tasks every day – I vote when there’s an election, donate to worthy causes, pay bills, do the laundry, make my bed every morning, and will probably be wearing my pink hat as an everyday accessory for the foreseeable future.

The choice to speak out or to take action is a personal one. I can’t make that choice for anyone but myself. But, we’re all in this together. We need each other – the prayer-warriors, the foot-soldiers, the magicians, the spell-casters, the marchers, the artists, the speakers, the writers, the poets, the activists – it’s going to take all of us.

We don’t have to act from a place of fear. We can act from a place of love, truth, and power – confident that the collective energy that occurs when we stand in unity can move mountains.

Love & Magic,




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Bye-bye 2016.

As road-90390_1280I scroll through my social media feeds I see one common thread among all of the “trending topics”. Topics like politics and posts about so many of our favorite artists passing away. The common thread is basically a big “F*** you” to 2016. Like no other year I can remember, 2016 has been cast as the bad guy in a play that we all hoped would be a comedy, or a happily ever after story, but instead became a horror film for many of us, at the very least a drama for most. People on twitter and Facebook have been actually addressing 2016 as though it were a person, and a very bad, greedy person at that. In fact, John Oliver even ended his last show of the season with this send off for 2016.

I get it. As a woman who didn’t have the best financial year, spent the Summer watching her beautiful oak floors self-destruct because of water issues related to the Louisiana floods, attended too many funerals, and not only watched her candidate lose the presidential election but can easily begin to feel terrified watching the new President-Elect navigate storm through his transition with what seems to be a total disregard for decorum, social norms, honesty, common decency, and the multitude of qualities typically expressed by the word “Presidential” – I’m ready for a new year, too.

However, I want to encourage you (even as I encourage myself) not to move too fast into this new year. I want to suggest that we all slow down and at least take some time to recognize the good that we’ve experienced, maybe even the good that is a direct result of what we so easily label “the bad”.

It’s a proven fact that we all take loss harder than we appreciate the equal amount of gain. In other words when we gain a certain amount we feel good, but when we lose that same amount we don’t just feel bad, we feel worse than bad. There doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of relativity here, bad feels worse than good feels good. It hurts worse to lose $5 than it feels good to find $5. The technical term for this is “loss aversion” and it’s why we prefer avoiding losses. Here’s an article that explains it better if you care to have a better explanation.

The emotional pain connected to the losses we’ve experienced this year have a very real effect on us. And for most of us our reaction is that we want to get the hell out of dodge as soon as possible. It’s a bit like running out of a burning building, every bone in our body urges us to run like hell and not stop until the smoke clears. We just don’t want to experience anymore loss, anymore pain. I believe this is why I keep seeing posts on social media that say “2016, just get it over with and end already!” It seems that many of us wish we could throw 2016 out like a visitor that has overstayed his welcome.

I certainly don’t want you to experience more pain. But I do want to encourage you to understand what treasures are hiding beneath the painful experience.

Personally, I feel a renewed desire to be empowered, to speak my truth, to be authentic and open about who I am and how I live. I also recognize that the best thing I can do to support my own empowerment is to increase my self-care and spiritual practices, like meditation, yoga, tai chi, and to make more time for creative practices that feed my soul – things like knitting, drawing, painting and writing. Self-care and self-love practices are the foundation for everything else we create. For me, they are what my empowerment rests upon.

Pain can teach us what we value. It provides the contrast that allows us to have more clarity about what we do want. But suffering is another story – literally. Most of our suffering happens because we create stories and thoughts and ideas about what our pain means, and more often what it means about us and for us. Pain is part of life. I hate saying that, because no one enjoys pain, but the truth is we are wired for pain! We have pain sensors in our bodies, in our skin. However,  suffering doesn’t have to be a daily part of our experience. When we begin to run away from painful experiences we suffer. When we begin to argue with what is we suffer. We end up with a lot of thoughts in our head that produce stress and worry. We begin to experience fear about the future. When we can instead accept the painful fact of our experience (instead of arguing with it) we can use that same energy to transform the experience into something that will serve the world.

I’m not saying for one minute that we should accept the injustice we see in the world that causes pain. I’m saying that by accepting the fact that it IS, we can then formulate a clear path to a better place, a clear plan to bring about change. When we can face the painful circumstance and see it for what it is, only then can we make a plan to deal with it effectively, to learn from it, to choose a different course, to be the change we want to see in the world.

A few of the questions I’m asking myself as 2016 comes to a close: How have the events of this year affected me personally? What emotions have come up? How can I transmute those painful emotions into energy that will make the world a better place? What would I rather see, and how can I take action to move towards that end?

Once I’ve slowed down and spent a bit of time answering those questions for myself, I plan on creating a plan forward for this New Year. I’m expecting it to be powerful.

I wish us all a new year that won’t overstay its welcome. A year full of peace, prosperity, liberty and justice for all…and of course a big dose of Love & Magic,




P.S. If you’d like some help and support navigating your own clear path through 2017 I’d love to be your coach. Here’s how you can work with me.


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Spell & Rituals


Spells and rituals…or maybe you refer to them as prayers and practices, or devotions and celebrations.

Whichever language you like to use, these things are on my list of human needs. We have our basic needs, like air, water, food, shelter, sleep, and sex. Beyond that we have many needs as humans – among them are things like connection, creative expression, spirituality, ceremony, ritual, solitude, community and contribution.

So often we tend to forget that we have other needs besides just the most basic. And as women, wives, mothers, caretakers, we can often get so busy taking care of everyone else we sometimes neglect even our most basic needs, let alone the other more esoteric needs we may have.

I remember coaching a nurse and during our session I had an intuitive hit to ask her if she was drinking enough water. I almost didn’t ask the question because it seemed too basic, so practical, and so, well…non magical. But my intuition kept nagging at me so I asked. It seemed like a silly question until she told me that she often worked a 12-hour shift with only one bathroom break and “really no time to get a drink of water”. This was a women who had devoted her life to taking care of other people and she was struggling to find enough time in the day to take care of even her most basic needs.

In a world where even our basic needs don’t always get met, it seems almost impossible sometimes that we’ll find the time for ritual, or for celebration, or for creative expression.

And yet, when we give those needs the priority they deserve, when we honor ourselves beyond our basic needs, time seems to expand and we enjoy healthier, happier lives, more magic and even miracles.

Vedantic philosophy teaches that there are only two symptoms of enlightenment. The first is that you stop worrying, the second is that you experience more meaningful coincidences – also known as magic, or miracles.

If we are living at such a pace that we can’t find time to drink enough water, or eat right, or get enough sleep we certainly aren’t at a place where we can stop worrying and experience magic.

As human beings we are wired to create miracles, just by virtue of our powerful minds, our energetic make-up, our ability to connect. But we always create from our foundation, and this is where basic needs being met is so important. Our bodies, our minds, our hearts, our health – this is our foundation – this is what we are creating from, so taking good care of ourselves is fundamental to making magic.

Radical responsibility is the first step towards enlightenment, and getting our own needs met is our first responsibility as conscious creators. First our basic needs, then our deeper needs. Once our needs are met we have more energy, and a stronger foundation to work towards helping others get their needs met.

Start with making sure your basic needs are met well, and then see how you can add some of your deeper needs into the mix. Carve out some time to be creative, make sure you spend some time in quiet solitude as well as some time connecting with others, make a point to practice meditation and ritual, follow the moon cycle, create an altar, plant a garden, celebrate even the small victories in your life. Experiment until you find the rituals and practices that feed your soul.

When you take good care of yourself by taking full responsibility for getting your own needs met you send an energetic message to the Universe that having your needs met is important to you. This is some of the most powerful spell-work you can do!

Making magic begins with taking care of yourself. Begin with a deep breath. Magic always happens in the present moment, start now.

Love & Magic,


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The Ebb & Flow of a Spiritual Practice

Today someone told me that they were inspired by my spiritual practice, and they bemoaned that their own practice came in “fits and starts”.

I’m flattered by the admiration, but honestly my practice has it’s own ups and downs, for sure – and I’ve decided that I’m okay with that. But it hasn’t always been easy for me to understand that it is indeed okay.

I used to beat myself up because I couldn’t get in the groove of journaling every single day – it felt like I wasn’t consistent in my journaling practice. And since I love beautiful journals I felt guilty every time I bought another one since I had a whole shelf full of beautiful empty journals. The thing I wasn’t giving myself credit for was that I also had a stack of journals that were indeed full of written pages. Then I realized that my practice was very consistent, it just wasn’t daily. My practice had a flow, a pattern, and it worked for me. I picked up journaling and morning pages when I needed them, sometimes that was everyday for weeks or months at a time, sometimes it was just once a week, sometimes I’d go for long stretches of not journaling at all.

I still journal this way, that’s my practice. It’s what works for me.

My yoga practice flows the same way. My meditation practice, although somewhat more regular from day to day, has it’s own ebb and flow, too.

Yes, I do have parts of my practice that are consistent in a daily way, but for my spiritual practices as a whole there is an ebb and flow. Sometimes my spiritual practice for the day is reading. Sometimes writing. Sometimes both.

Sometimes I meditate, or do yoga, or both.

Sometimes a long walk is a powerful spiritual practice.

And I think that’s just fine, since nature has an ebb and flow. Life has ups and downs. We have seasons.

The German philosopher Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel said that “matter is spirit fallen into a state of self-otherness” . His idea has often been interpreted in the thought that “we are not humans having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.” If this is true, then we can’t not have a spiritual practice. We are spiritual beings. Our life is our practice.

Right now I’m in the middle of my course MOONLIGHT and this is a big part of what we’re practicing in that course – we’re following the moon cycle so we’ve got the perfect heavenly clock to support us with our own personal ebb and flow, our cycle of receiving and releasing. Waxing full and then waning. Over and over. Life is a cycle, a process.

Any athlete will tell you that the rest is just as important as the work. We need stillness, we need activity. Ebb and flow.

Seeds need time to germinate. Seeds spend lots of time underground in the dark, and from above it looks like nothing is happening. But in reality everything is happening!

We don’t always recognize that our “waning phases” are as important as our “waxing phases” but that’s the cycle, the journey, the ebb & flow. It’s a process.

Trust the process.

Love & Magic,


Posted in Coaching, Life balance, Meditation, Personal Growth | 2 Comments