Oh Oh Catch that Buzz
Love is the drug I’m thinking of
Oh Oh Can’t you see
Love is the drug for me*
Anyone that ever listened to the radio in the mid 1970’s is probably familiar with those lyrics, and anyone who has ever been in love can probably relate to the intoxicating feeling that comes along with intense attraction.
Recently I was having a discussion with two of my nieces, who are in their twenties, and they brought up the topic of jealousy in relationships, and it reminded me of something that Don Miguel Ruiz wrote in his book Mastery of Love.
In one section of the book he uses an analogy that compares what most people call “love relationships” to the relationship between a drug addict and a drug provider.
Ruiz states that the one who needs the most in the relationship is like the drug addict, and the one that needs the least is like the drug provider, and consequently the one who needs the least calls all of the shots in this type of relationship (no pun intended).
So, this is where jealousy comes into play. It is a symptom, a pathology really, of a very unhealthy relationship.
And in this context, the analogy makes sense. After all, no addict wants anyone messing with their stash.
According to Ruiz, this type of relationship that gets labeled “love” is really a relationship of fear, that is totally based on control.
The dealer controls how much the addict gets. Period.
How much attention, how much affection, how much of whatever the addict needs.
On the flip side, the addict feels jealous when faced with the fear of the “drug” not being there.
Kelly Bryson once said, “Jealousy is part of love the way asthma is part of breathing.” I agree. Jealousy is not a normal part of healthy love.
In a healthy love relationship neither party is needy, neither party depends on the other to supply their emotional needs, neither party is jealous, neither party is fearful.
There is no addiction, no pathology.
There is passion, trust, honesty, and respect……true love.
Plain and simple. A true love relationship involves two people that see each other as equals and enjoy each other exactly the way they are, neither one is trying to change the other in any way.
True love is not like an addictive drug, but more like a medicine, it heals, it mends, it forgives, it comforts, it inspires, it supports, it builds up, it sees the best.
True love is anabolic. True love is powerful, and empowering.
Are you ready for rehab?
Here’s to creating love that is true,
*”Love is The Drug” Roxy Music © 1976