This morning I got an email that contained someone’s burning question….
“How do I know if its a ‘rebound relationship’?”…and honestly it was perfect timing to get this question,
Monday night I taught a class on Great Relationship Secrets AKA The Love Chemistry Kit…and one of the things I wanted to address…but FORGOT to address….was rebound relationships.
So, now is my chance to answer a reader’s question and redeem myself for leaving this information out of the call.
So, first and foremost let’s define rebound relationship. In my oh-so-humble-opinion, the sooner the relationship occurs after the divorce or breakup, the more likely it is to fall into the rebound category. The dictionary definition of the word rebound is “to recover from a setback or frustration.” Ah yes, recovering from the frustration of being suddenly single is what the rebound relationship is all about, and although it may allow you to recover from this particular frustration it is most likely setting you up to find a whole bushel full of frustrations down the road.
When my own divorce was final I made a rule for myself (and I would never impose MY personal rules upon you, Dear Reader, but… just sayin’)… that rule was that I absolutely WAS NOT going to even THINK about dating for at least a year, possibly two.
And I demanded that my close friends keep me accountable to this rule.
I can hear you sighing all the way over here.
I made it 101 weeks. Yes, almost 2 years. During those 2 years I took really good care of myself, I got to know myself again. I remodeled a house. I went on trips. I did yoga. I painted paintings and I wrote songs. I spent time with friends and time with myself. I made dinner parties. I went to the races. I went back to school. I started a business. I wrote a book. I smiled a lot. I cried a little.
Sometimes I felt lonely and wished for a relationship, but I KNEW that the most important relationship I could build was the one I had with myself, and that is what I did.
And by the time I went on that first date I was ready to show up complete and authentic and totally comfortable in my own skin. I was confident in who I was, and who I was becoming. I was clear about what I wanted… from myself, from a partner, from life.
So…back to the original question. Just how do you know if it is a rebound relationship?
Maybe that isn’t exactly the right question. Because here is the problem with rebound relationships, (and why they don’t usually work out):
There are 7 ingredients to great chemistry, and you have to have them all.
The missing ingredients are the ones that end up blowing the relationship apart down the road.
So often in life we don’t know what we want, but we are sure about what we don’t want, and this is what so often trips us up and lands us in a rebound relationship. For instance, let’s say you know for sure that you DON’T want another man who disrespects you like the last guy did, SO…you immediately fall for a guy who is SO respectful! The problem is that you are so starved for respect that you pay no attention to the fact that so many other things about him are NOT a match for you. Eventually, the one factor that you focused on will just not be enough to keep you loving happily ever after.
So, get the audio download of my class Great Relationship Secrets AKA The Love Chemistry Kit here. Listen carefully and identify the ingredient(s) that were missing in the last relationship, and then just take an inventory of your present situation.
Are you only focusing on what was lacking last time -OR- are all of the ingredients for great chemistry present in this new relationship?
Be honest with yourself, and if you don’t have all 7 ingredients of great chemistry, keep moving.
Love & Magic,