Is it Better to Give?

One of my Facebook friends asked a question in their status, “Is it better to give or to receive?”  Pretty straight forward and simple.

Out of half dozen or so replies mine stood out as different.  I said, “Two sides of the same coin, one cannot exist without the other.”

Every single other reply said “Give.”  One of the replies was very open and honest, it said “For me, it is better to give, I am very uncomfortable receiving.”

I appreciate that soul’s honesty.  And it triggered a train of thought in me, since I deal with this constantly in coaching sessions.  So often people tell me they want a certain thing, and yet they do not seem to realize that they are pushing that very thing away by not being willing and open to receive it.

“It is better to give than to receive” is a maxim that most of us grew up hearing.  And yes, it is wonderful to give openly without expectation, certainly.  AND it is equally wonderful to receive. One cannot exist without the other.  For someone to give there must be someone to receive.

So often we ask (God, The Universe, People) for abundance, and then the next time someone offers to pick up the tab at lunch we refuse…”No, no, you don’t have to do that!”  (The better answer…”Thank you!”)

We want to feel attractive and yet the next compliment someone pays to us we shrug off…”Oh this old thing? It’s been hanging in my closet for years.”  (The better answer…”Thank you!”)

We want to experience love and yet when someone offers to show us kindness by helping us in some small way we refrain…”Oh no, it’s okay, I’ve got it.”  (The better answer…”Yes, Thank You!”)

We may want more magic in our life and yet some magical synchronicity happens and we pass it off as being coincidence.  (The better response…look upward, or within, and say “Thank You!”)

If it is true that it is more blessed to give than to receive, aren’t we stealing another’s blessing when we are unwilling to receive their giving?

We are in the midst of gift giving season.  Here is your chance to practice being a great receiver!  Pay attention, the next time someone offers to pick up the tab, offers to help you, offers a compliment.  Show the Universe that you are ready, willing, and able to receive.  Say “Thank You!” and enjoy your blessing.  You are still free to give as much and as often as you like!  In fact, recognizing all of the blessings coming your way by receiving openly and expressing gratitude will possibly fuel your desire to give even more.

And if you’d like to begin practicing now…here is a gift for you.  Through the end of 2012, use the code THANKYOU and purchase the Peaceful Power Process™  or the 7-Figure Relationship Package for half off the regular price!

AND…one lucky purchaser in December will get 4 coaching sessions with me in January for FREE.

I wish you a wonderful holiday season full of blessings that you are open to receive. 🙂  And of course I wish you…

Love & Magic,

 

 

P.S. Our coaching package winner for November was Janet Marquardt.  Here is what she had to say about her experience:

“I won a month of coaching with Cindie Chavez and am so glad I did!  Cindie gave me specific tools for understanding my romantic partner better and communicating my own needs.  Our relationship dynamic has shifted and I find myself more calm and experiencing a deeper connection with him as a result.”

 

Image courtesy of Naypong / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Posted in Coaching, Conscious Creation, General, Personal Growth | 1 Comment

Happiness is Now.

With the holiday season upon us the focus is often “happiness”.

We want to have “Happy Holidays”.

We wish others “Happy Holidays”.

We spend a lot of time planning and shopping (wishing and hoping) that the holidays will be happy.

I want your holidays to be happy. I want your whole life to be happy!

And I want to let you in on a little secret that will help…recognize that happiness is right now.

It is not off in the future…because the future never comes does it? (I know…deep stuff, but hey it’s true.)

“Someday” never arrives.

So…here is a fun tool that will bring happiness into your now. I call it “The Good Stuff List“.

In fact, I haven’t done this for a while, and I decided that it was time to start again.

If you live with other people get them involved. In our house we use a white board. You can use a chalkboard, a pad of paper, etc.

Put the list somewhere everyone has access to it, and every time something feels good, every time you feel happy about something, put it on the list.

Make a new list everyday. Somedays there will be many things, somedays just a few. Sometimes big things, sometimes small. Doesn’t matter. Energy is energy and you will begin to create and notice a virtual wave of anabolic energy that will build on itself and increase your happiness levels!

Try it. It works. Train your brain to see the good stuff. Tell that reticular activating system what to look for, there is an abundance of good stuff all around you…right now.

Love & Magic,

Posted in Coaching, Conscious Creation, energy leadership, General, Personal Growth | Leave a comment

Cakes & Ale – My gift to you!

“Cakes & Ale.”

I had never heard this saying before this week (and maybe that is because I live in the US of A and not in the UK (or because I’ve not read my fair share of Shakespeare or Dickens – embarrassing, but true).

BUT…for some reason I knew it would become one of my favorite ideas.

You see, the phrase “Cakes and Ale” is a synonym for “living the good life” (as is “Beer & Skittles”, a similar phrase used by Charles Dickens in The Pickwick Papers).

And living the good life is something I do know about. In fact, it’s what I help my clients do each day.

One of the ways I do this is by creating meditations.

Meditation reduces stress, increases health and well-being, and generally just makes your life better! And don’t we all want that?

So, I’ve created a short, 7-minute meditation that I want to give to you as a gift of appreciation for being part of my circle. I designed this meditation specifically to:

  • Fit into your super busy day (it’s only SEVEN minutes long! You owe yourself this!)
  • Reduce your stress levels (you DO want less stress, yes?)
  • Raise your level of calm, useful, energy (not that shaky, stressed out, over adrenalinized type of icky energy)
  • Increase your sense of well-being (AHHHH! It’s a wonderful thing to have a sense of well-being!)

WOW!! PLUS…it’s super easy, AND I used beautiful music composed by Christopher Lloyd Clarke as well as Christopher’s beautiful ocean sounds recorded at Rocky Island Beach, on the Southern Australian island of Tasmania!!

So, here ya go! A stress free 7-minute mini vacation to a gorgeous beach where you’ll be serenaded by your own private symphony! And it’s my gift to you.

After all of this Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Cyber Tuesday, Cyber Week ridiculousness I just wanted to HAND YOU something for free that could help reduce your stress levels during this CRAZY time of year!

So here’s to you living the good life!  Listen by clicking here: Peaceful Beach 7 Minute Meditation

If you’d  like to purchase it…click here.

I’d love to help you have a happy, stress-free, holiday season.

Cakes & Ale,  Beer & Skittles, or in other words…

Love & Magic,

 

 

P.S. I’d love to hear about your experience at the Peaceful Beach!

WARNING!! As with any guided meditation, this meditation audio is intended for general information purposes only, and is not intended to substitute for informed professional medical, psychiatric, psychological, or other professional advice.  And of course…Do not use while driving or operating machinery.

 

Image courtesy of piyato / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Setting Boundaries is an Act of Love

Strong Boundaries

This past week I noticed a common thread running through most of my coaching sessions…and when that happens, I try to pay attention and do the following:

1. Look in the mirror to see what the Universe is saying to ME so I can be sure I’m maintaining my own integrity here, and

2. Write a blog post so you can too.

So what is the thread I caught?  Boundaries and tolerating crap things.

Generally, the amount of things you tolerate is directly related to the strength of your boundaries.

The way you are treated by others is YOUR responsibility.  That awful behavior that you have been tolerating, it’s because YOUR boundaries are weak.  You CANNOT change other people, only yourself.
You must be the one to create and maintain strong boundaries.  But that’s not enough, you must also communicate them clearly, with love, compassion, and empathy.  No fair getting angry or being resentful at someone for crossing a line they couldn’t see. The thing is –  Setting boundaries is an act of love.

The quality of our lives and the lives of those we love is influenced by the boundaries we establish.

If you need some practical pointers on how to do this specifically, you’ll find some here: 8 Tips for Setting Strong Boundaries.

The holidays are approaching quickly. With all of those parties and family gatherings coming up we’ll all find plenty of opportunities to show off our boundaries!!

Love & Magic,

 

 

P.S. Have you learned my Peace Power Process™ yet?  Works like magic, and it could be just what you need for the holidays.

 

 

Image courtesy of siriphat / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Posted in Coaching, Communication, General, Personal Growth, relationships | 3 Comments

[Q&A] Impatience!

 

Question: “How can I handle the impatience until I find the right one?”

Wow, this is such a great question, and let me explain why…

It is because what I am going to suggest to you (the remedy for handling the impatience) is EXACTLY the thing that will most likely allow you to attract “the right one” much easier!

And that is to immediately take some action to fill your life (and your calendar) with ideas, activities, new discoveries, adventures, friends, hobbies, places, people and events that you LOVE.

Impatience is usually connected with “waiting”.  Especially if that thing you are waiting on (in this case “finding the right one”) is something you are connecting with fulfilling a need you have.  “Once I find the right one I will be ___________.”

We either wait patiently for something or we get impatient.  In this circumstance the remedy is to stop waiting.

Stop waiting.

Get busy!

What are the things that excite you? What activities bring a smile to your face? What new discoveries await you? What adventures are on your to-do list?

When your life is FULL and you are doing things and going places and spending time with people you’ll begin to notice that you are less impatient.

The idea is to get so busy enjoying your life that you couldn’t even imagine feeling impatient.

Putting yourself in the posture of “waiting” (even just mentally) creates a condition of neediness and neediness is NOT attractive.

What IS attractive is confidence, vibrancy; smiling, laughter, joy, playfulness…and all of these things are evidence of a full, happy life.

Pay attention to what makes you feel good.  Your feelings are a miracle!  Pay attention to what interests you, what piques your curiosity, and then explore it further.

One of my favorite quotes is from Goethe, “At the moment I fully commit, the Universe conspires to assist me.”

Commit yourself to creating a life that you love and the Universe will assist you in finding the love of your life.

Love & Magic,

 

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Q&A: How Do I Know If I’m Ready for a New Relationship?

How do I know if I am ready for a new relationship?

“How do I know if I am ready for a new relationship?”

I’m guessing that your motivation for asking is that you want to make sure you don’t jump into a “rebound relationship“.

Although I have heard people say that you should wait at least 6-months to 1-year before you are ready to date again after a break-up or a divorce, I don’t think there is any prescribed amount of time.

I do believe you need to have mended from any major emotional pain.  You’ll know you have let go of those hurts when you don’t have a strong emotional charge connected to them anymore.

You’ll want to be very clear on exactly what you want your new relationship to look like.

Get a very clear picture of what you require, and what your deal-breakers are.

Recognize that you are a whole person who wants to partner with another whole person. You don’t need someone else to complete you.  You want someone else to be the other half of the couple that will be the two of you.

You will have a life of your own, with interests, hobbies, friends, social activities.

You will have the knowledge that you can find peace, happiness, and joy within yourself, and you will have had the experience of doing so.

If you know that everything you need is within you, if you know exactly what you want in a partner, if you realize that your life is pretty damn good right now in this present moment, you’re probably ready.

If your heart is still hurting, you’re probably not ready.  Be sure to check out my FREE e-Book, Healing for a Broken Heart.

Heal first, and when you are ready for that new relationship, it will happen.

Love & Magic,

 

Posted in General, Personal Growth, relationships | 4 Comments

Healing a Broken Heart

This week I had a fantastic time being interviewed on the “Love Summit”. (and if you haven’t registered yet do it now!!  Lot’s of great content if you are ready to find Love!)

We received a question that I answered on the air and it was such a great question that I thought I’d answer it again here on the blog.

The question: “How do I clear myself from all of the leftover energy from my past relationship?, and how do I know if I am ready for a new relationship?”

Okay, Okay, I know…that is really two questions so…I’ll answer the first part today. 😉

So you want to “clear yourself” of all of that old energy that is still hanging around from that last relationship, eh?

Okay, well first things first.  I’m guessing that you are still feeling that energy because maybe the breakup wasn’t your idea.  That’s okay, something we will all agree on (I hope) is that we don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with us, right?

But that doesn’t mean that the breakup is any less painful.  Honestly, few things are more emotionally painful than hearing someone tell you they don’t want to be with you anymore.  Even when we KNOW that it is the best option, even when we KNOW that it wasn’t working, it can still be very painful.

Let yourself FEEL all of those feelings fully, and then remind yourself that you WILL heal, you WILL feel happiness again, and you DO learn something valuable with each relationship you experience.

All of your feelings are valid.  When our heart is broken our brain and bodies begin to produce the appropriate feelings and emotions: sadness, frustration, pain, anger…heartbreak.

So, a few practical tips to help cure your achy breaky heart, and clear out the energy of that past relationship.

 

  • STOP stalking his facebook page, rereading text messages from him, listening to “your song”, wearing his old t-shirt, looking at his picture, etc.  Just stop it.  Activities like this will just intensify the energy you are trying to clear out.

  • Start being nice to yourself, to your body. Your body has been there for you through it all, do something extra nice and nourishing for your body.  Eat healthy food, get a massage, give yourself a manicure, buy a new lipstick, take a walk, listen to HAPPY music, try a new hair style, try a new perfume, take a bubble-bath, do some yoga, in short – pamper yourself.  When you take care of yourself you are sending your sub-conscious (and your heart!) a message that you deserve to be well taken care of and pampered.  This creates soothing energy and confidence.

  • Journal.  Buy one of those cheap composition books and write 3 pages (no more, no less), longhand first thing in the morning for the next 2 weeks.  Every day (at least TRY for every day).  Write write write write.  And here is the easy part…it doesn’t matter what you write about.  You don’t even need to read it afterwards if you don’t want to.  Just write.  This is like de-cluttering your brain, a great way to release that confusing type of energy that happens when we have a lot of mental chatter that we haven’t processed.

  • MEDITATE.  20 minutes.  Just sitting in silence and focusing on your breath will create a peaceful, stress relieving, healing energy flow.

  • Find a new hobby or resurrect an old one. (Where did you put those knitting needles?) Channel your creative energy!

  • Get out into nature.  Sit outside with your bare feet in the grass for 30 minutes and listen to the birds.  There is a lot of new research that shows how healing “earthing” is. That is, to physically connect with the earth.  The earth has a healing energy.

  • Clean out your closets.  At least that big one with all the junk in it. <wink>  It is amazing how much energy this will clear.  If you can’t muster up the motivation to clean a closet at least clean out a drawer!!  And by all means get rid of any stuff that belongs to your ex if you still have possession of it!

  • Get out and spend time with friends. Make some new friends. Hang out with some old friends.  Laugh. Smile.  Hug.  All of these things release happy brain chemicals.
Let me know how these tips have helped, and if you have other tips add them in the comment section below!

As for part 2 of that question, “How do I know when I’m ready for a relationship?”, I’ll answer that one next week.  Until then…

 

Love & Magic,

 

Cindie

 

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Posted in Chemistry, General, Meditation, Personal Growth, relationships | 1 Comment

Say Yes

How often do you say “No” by default?

We mold our life by the stories we tell about ourselves, whether we tell them with actual words (which we do often) or by our actions.

So often we say we want certain things (true love, more money, better health, less stress), and yet the story we tell of ourselves is actually saying NO to those very things.

You say you would like to find true love, but your story says “I’m not really all that social. I like to stay in and don’t get out much to meet people.”

You say you want to make more money but your story says “We aren’t like ‘those snobby rich people’ and besides who would want a house that big anyway? I’m happy to have a paycheck.  I’m proud of my ability to stretch a dollar.”

You say you wish you were in better health but your story says “I’ve never been very athletic and I can’t believe how much organic food costs, besides I’ve been skipping breakfast my whole life.”

You say you want less stress in your life but your story says “I’m a news addict, really, I basically have CNN on 24/7 because it’s really important to me to keep up with what’s going on in the world.  I’m so glad I can get by on 5 hours of sleep a night because I am super busy!”

Some of these “stories” might seem extreme, but do you see how incongruent our stories can be?

One of my core philosophies is that the Universe is ALWAYS supporting me.  And I totally believe that.  BUT…I’ve got to say YES.

So often our stories have programmed us to say NO, whether in words or actions.

I want to encourage you to start saying “yes” to the things you want.

Change your story.  Maybe just a little bit.

Get open to new possibilities.

Go out and meet some new friends. Realize that money isn’t evil.  Go for a walk.  Eat something healthy.  Turn the TV off and meditate for 20 minutes.  Take a break from the “news”.  Get some extra sleep.  Smile more.

Say YES.

Love & Magic,

Cindie

 

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

 

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Trust Yourself

Trust the UniverseHow can I learn to trust?

This is one of the top 5 questions that I receive from my women readers, and this week I received it several times.

I’ve answered it before, here.

But I wanted to answer it again today adding a new twist to the answers I’ve given previously.

Lately, I’ve been very focused on two specific ideas, one is the idea that the Universe is ALWAYS supporting me (and you), and the second is that the World I see is a direct reflection of what is going on in me and if I will just pay attention it will do me a whole lot of good.  I call this reflecting property the Magic Mirror.

What does this have to do with trusting?

Well first of all, I TRUST that the Universe is indeed always supporting me.  That’s easy when things are going my way, when my little world is ticking like a well-oiled clock.  Then again what about the days when my own little world seems to be ticking more like a time bomb?  That is when I MUST trust that the Universe is supporting me.

And that’s when I look into the Magic Mirror.  When I can look at what is going on in my own little universe and ask myself what part of this is showing me ME?

We use mirrors to show us what needs fixing, right?  I look in the mirror to see if my hair needs to be brushed, if my make-up looks okay, if I have food in my teeth!  Then, I take care of whatever it is that needs to be adjusted.

This is how the Magic Mirror works.  Our relationships are probably the greatest tool we have to really see what we are made of, the truest reflection of who we are.

If I am dealing with people who are untrustworthy, WHY?

And if I am having trouble trusting in spite of others seeming trustworthiness, WHY?

Am I trustworthy? Am I behaving like a trustworthy person?  Do I trust myself?

On one end of the spectrum is not trusting anyone, ever.  This is paranoia…”everyone is out to get me.”

I prefer to live at the other end of the spectrum, an idea called “Pronoia”, being that the entire world is conspiring to shower me with blessings.

If you’ve been hurt (and who hasn’t?) you CAN trust again.  Trust yourself first.

Trust yourself.  Trust the Universe.  Trust the process.

Love & Magic,

Cindie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted in Coaching, Conscious Creation, General, Personal Growth, relationships | Leave a comment

Relationship Boredom?

A Reader asks…

Q: “I always get bored and ‘fall out of love’ after the honeymoon period. How do I keep feeling attracted to the man?”

A: First let me say that this is a question I get fairly often. There are several possible reasons why this keeps happening in your experience.

The first reason may be purely chemical, and could be connected to allowing the relationship to become sexual too soon.

How soon is too soon, you may ask?

The answer is different for each couple, of course. But if you don’t know each other well enough to know if you have all 7 ingredients of great chemistry, it is too soon.

The reason for this is that first huge dose of bonding chemicals our brain produces upon getting physical is not enough to maintain the relationship once those chemicals start balancing out, or waning.  Sexual chemistry is only one aspect of great chemistry, and as wonderful as it is, it isn’t enough.

Secondly, consider the possibility that  the “newness” of the relationship is what you are attracted to.

Many people are attracted to new exciting things, and get bored with them when that initial excitement wears thin.

There is an idea that “How you do anything is how you do everything.”

That may be hard to swallow, but it is worth considering.

Do you get bored easily with hobbies, routines, music, job choices, etc?

For example; some people get very excited over a new job position, only to get bored and want to find a new job in just a few months, or they become very enthusiastic about finding a new hobby, only to abandon it a short time later.

If this is the case, the remedy is to find new exciting things to do and explore them together as a couple.

Recognize that your happiness, your fulfillment, your level of joy and excitement is not dependent on someone else.

So, first make sure that all 7 ingredients to great chemistry are present, and then make a choice to discover excitement together, instead of expecting the other to provide it.

Love & Magic,

Cindie

P.S. If you are ready for LOVE, I encourage you to listen in to The Love Summit!  I’ll be speaking along with 17 other relationship experts!

 

 

 

 

 

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