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This morning I was on a call with a bunch of my beloved colleagues, a group of powerful and wonderful coaches who meet every Friday morning to discuss the world of coaching, but today it was different. Instead of discussing the world of coaching we were discussing our coaching in the world, a world where this week we’ve experienced several violent and traumatic events. The kind of events that shake us out of our comfort-zone and fill up our news feeds and conversations with shock, fear, rage, anger, and grief.
Some of the coaches on the call had addressed the events publicly through their blogs and facebook feeds. Some of us had not. I was one of the quiet ones. I generally don’t bring up world events (especially tragic ones), politics, or religion in my public posts. And sometimes this causes me some inner turbulence because I’m familiar with the idea that being silent can be seen as being complicit (and I’m Jewish, so there’s that – a huge value around working for social justice, for “tikkun olam” or “repairing of the world”)…but I’m an expert in conflict resolution, so bringing up polarizing topics (that generally cause conflict) usually doesn’t feel like a win-win to me.
But on this particular call I felt moved to speak up about what helps me the most when things go terribly wrong. Terribly wrong on a global level, or terribly wrong on a personal level – doesn’t matter. What helps me the most is the idea of “sacred contracts“. I was first introduced to this concept by a book of the same name about 15 years ago. (Sacred Contracts, by Caroline Myss). And at this point I can’t tell you a single thing I read in that book, or even if I finished the book, or if my own evolution of the idea is still in sync with the author’s philosophy. (Maybe I should read it again!).
But in a nutshell (and this might stretch you a bit), my interpretation of a sacred contract is that it is an agreement we make with someone else before we incarnate detailing how our relationship will be once we do incarnate for a particular lifetime. Yeah, I realize that this may require you to believe in all sorts of things that up until now you may have rejected. That’s okay. Because I can’t tell you that reincarnation is a fact, or that sacred contracts are a fact. I can’t tell you that I know for certain that I made an agreement with my ex to be emotionally abused, or for my second grade teacher (a nun!) to tie me up with jump ropes as a punishment, or for my two sons to be absolutely amazing people, or for the Handsome Sweetheart to be a wonderful soulmate to me. I can’t tell you that I know these agreements were made for a fact, but the IDEA of it, the choice to believe it, helps me immensely. I can tell you that, for a fact.
Believing in a world where we are all separate, where some karma is going to get us, where tragedy could strike us at any moment, where life happens to us – puts us in a place of complete powerlessness. And I don’t believe we are powerless. I believe we are powerful creators, and I want to create consciously.
Deciding that everything that happens in my experience is something I’m creating, something I’ve agreed to, something that will help me grow, puts me back in a place of power, a place of safety, a place where I’m not separate from you or from the Universe but where we are all one and we are all in this together.
In this worldview, where we are all working together to evolve to another level of consciousness everyone is always winning the game their playing.
I’m not one of those people who believes that “everything has a reason”, because I can’t make sense of certain things being reasonable. I don’t believe that there is a good reason for violence, or for abuse, or for people to be killed. But I do believe that we can choose a viewpoint where we can give these things a purpose.
We can choose to allow a higher purpose for the things we don’t understand.
If the Universe is one big mirror reflecting back to us our thoughts and beliefs, what is this reflection showing us? When we look in the mirror and see a lipstick smudge or food in our teeth we can then do what we need to fix the smudge, to clean the teeth, to see a better reflection shining back at us.
When our world looks ugly to us we can remember that the purpose of the reflection is to show us what needs to be fixed, we don’t yell at the mirror, we don’t smash the mirror, we don’t make a judgment about the mirror being wrong – we just lovingly fix what needs fixing and recognize that the mirror’s reflection served the purpose of showing us what we didn’t see before.
In the face of intense personal pain I recognize that this message might seem overly simplistic. Everyone deals with world events and personal events in the best way they know how.
My hope is that this idea offers some solace, a new perspective, and a place of power for you if you’re feeling powerless. We’re all winning the game we’re playing.
Let’s choose love and play to win.
This post was written at the request of my friend Jeannette Maw, and originally published at her site The Good Vibe Blog.
“You can have whatever you want as long as you are willing to have it.”
I remember the first time I heard this statement (too long ago to remember which mentor I heard it from, but it made an impact.) You can have whatever you’re willing to have.
That sounds pretty awesome, right? But here’s the rub: What if what I want comes with something I don’t want?
Like, I’d love to be the person who has loads of speaking opportunities and gets to fly all over the country teaching lovely magicians how to make more magic…but I hate lugging a heavy suitcase through the airport and waiting for late planes. Or, I’d love to have a closet full of gorgeous clothes, but I hate it when something I own gets a rip or a tear or a stain on it. Maybe you’d love to have a fancy sports car in your driveway, but you hate the idea of how expensive that high maintenance automobile can be. We all talk about “if I win the lottery” but most of us won’t because in our subconscious mind (or shoot maybe right up in front of our conscious mind!!) we are disturbed about paying those big taxes and nervous about all of the relatives and friends coming out of the woodwork wanting to share in our good fortune.
First of all…this game we’re playing? It’s called LIFE and it is full of little snafus, annoyances, things to take care of, busy work, and maintenance and management issues. I mean let’s face it, you can have a refrigerator full of the most amazing organic food, but there’s a pretty good chance that one or two of those organic strawberries is going to have a bad spot, yes?
I’m not here to be the party spoiler, I’m just being realistic. Yes, fancy sports cars require maintenance. Big money requires management. The people we love often have a few flaws that we have to deal with (and I like to remind myself that I’m no picnic sometimes either). Beautiful clothes require care and yes sometimes we spill red wine on a gorgeous white top (or is that just me?). If we win the lottery we will have people asking us to share. We will have a big tax to pay. We will also most probably need to hire someone to help us manage our windfall.
Managing money, taking care of a beautiful sports car or wardrobe, loving our soulmate in spite of whatever little idiosyncrasies they bring to the partnership, waiting on the occasional late airplane…these are all things that wealthy sports car owners, travelers, and happily-ever-aftered-soulmates are willing to do. They find a way to make it fun, or they delegate it to someone else, or they do it knowing it’s totally worth it.
Some Conscious Creators get very anxious when a “negative thought” or a worry comes up. But I say let’s just dive in to what could be. Let’s acknowledge and examine those worries and thoughts. If I buy a Porsche is it ever going to need expensive maintenance? What if someone vandalizes it? What if I drive it over a pothole and blow out one of those $600 tires? Am I willing to own a fancy sports car knowing that these things are possible?
Being willing to examine the everyday experience as well as worst case scenarios may be the very thing that allows you to loosen up the resistance to anything you’re trying to create.
What are you willing to have?
Love & Magic,
P.S. Your “willingness” can be greatly enhanced by working with a coach! Check out my Summer Magic Jumpstart private coaching special. I’d love to help you shift your mindset and create a better reality.
Why am I not seeing results? I hear this question (in one form or another) pretty often. And I’ve been pondering this lately, in a personal way, and in reference to client requests as well. Why is it that sometimes we don’t see results? Or the results we are seeing are not what we desire.
Maybe we can’t lose weight, or we think we aren’t making enough money, we don’t have a loving partner or perhaps our career path seems uncertain.
We feel ready for a big shift but our efforts don’t seem to be producing the effect we want. What gives? Why do we sometimes struggle to get the results we want?
One of the things that I’ve learned over the years is that every big shift comes after a big letting go. And letting go isn’t always the easiest thing to do. Part of us holds on so tightly to our past, to our present circumstances, to our beliefs, to our judgments, to “the way it is.”
So often our “letting go” takes on a physical aspect, such as de-cluttering, giving away things we don’t use anymore, or even letting go of relationships that are no longer serving. These can all bring about shifts that often feel so much better.
But, today, I’m thinking of something deeper that we must let go of to move forward: Self judgments.
Over in the Love & Magic Salon we have a weekly exercise of consciously choosing an empowering “I AM” statement. We choose “I AM” statements that contain qualities that we consciously decide to embody. “I AM powerful”, “I AM loving”, “I AM abundant”, “I am compassionate” are just a few I’ve seen posted this month.
But I rarely talk about the other side of this – the “I AM NOT” statements that we often carry around with us. “I’m not smart enough”, “I’m not attractive enough”, “I’m not successful”, etc. These “I’m not” statements aren’t always spoken, but they are often on auto-replay in our heads. Most of us could produce a fairly long list of them if we took the time to write them all down, and they all basically boil down to “I’m not enough”.
These “I am not” statements are judgments we’ve made against our self – we’ve decided that we are not enough and the judgement has been made. Guilty as charged.
And judgment and guilt always come with punishment. They can’t be separated.
Remember, the Universe is one big mirror of our beliefs and judgments, so if we are judging our self as not enough, we will always create a reality that proves us right.
We look at our past, we judge ourselves guilty, and we create future punishing experiences for ourselves.
The remedy for this is to come into the present moment and release yourself from the seat of judgment. Today is the day to forgive and release those judgments. The past is over. Today is the day to realize that we are all, always, doing the best we can. All of us. This includes you.
You may be unhappy with something you’ve created in your reality, but realize that judging yourself because of it only creates another unhappy experience. Learn from your experience, yes, but do this without judging yourself as guilty and creating a punishing future by default. Instead, create an empowering future deliberately by recognizing that you are worthy of goodness, abundance, health, love, and anything else you desire.
When we judge our self as guilty we bind our self to the punishment in consciousness. We can never see the results we desire if we believe we aren’t supposed to have them.When we forgive ourselves we release the judgments and can then go free to enjoy the greater experiences we desire.
Instead of sitting in the seat of judgment, sit yourself down in the seat of love and forgiveness.
Here is a ritual that you can do to anchor this act of self-forgiveness.
Find a comfortable place to sit. It may be a favorite chair, or a place out in nature that you love, or you may even want to relax in a bubble bath while you do this exercise. Close your eyes and breathe deeply. As you inhale say to yourself “I am enough” and as you exhale say to yourself “I forgive myself”. Do this several times as you relax your body. Judgments may come up as you do this, your inner critic may speak up and remind you of things you wish you’d done differently, or of things you wish were different in your life right now; when this happens just breathe in and say “I am enough, and I forgive myself for that.” Do this until you feel a sense of peace and self-love. Be gentle with yourself. Make a choice for peace and allow yourself to release all of those old judgments and feelings of guilt. The first time I did this I could not believe how many judgments kept coming up, but I felt a release each time I forgave myself and by the time I had finished I felt so much bright light in my body I felt like I could burst! And then I felt so light, and so peaceful. The feeling I experienced was a knowing that anything is possible. This exercise was so powerful for me that I knew I wanted to share it with you.
And while you’re there…don’t believe that little inner gremlin voice if it tells you that this is a process that takes a long time or that you’ll never be able to forgive yourself. You can forgive yourself instantly. Decide that you’re going to be different after you do this. Decide that you are going to forgive yourself now, today. It’s a choice, and it’s a choice based in love. Choose love for yourself today.
Take yourself out of the judgment seat and sit yourself down in the seat of love and forgiveness. You are worthy of everything your heart desires.
Love & Magic,
Do you have a vision for your future? For your life? For today?
All of us have been visionaries at one time or another.
Especially during those most hopeful times in our lives – graduation from high school or college, getting engaged, becoming a parent, beginning a new course of study or moving to a new city. Everything seems fresh and new and anything feels possible.
We dream, we envision, we swell with hope and excitement.
And then it happens…the job offer falls through, the marriage feels fragile, parenting is incredibly hard and at times completely unrewarding, the new course of study seems impossible, the new city just plain sucks.
We had such high hopes. We were on fire. We were in love. We were unstoppable…until…we stopped. Wet blankets. Broken hearts. Rain. Mud. Chicken pox.
Where did the sunshine, hearts, and flowers go? And why are the things we envisioned not arriving on our doorstep yet?
These are questions all conscious creators have asked at one time or another. Where is it? Where is my thing? That thing I ordered from the Universe? That thing I saw so clearly.
It’s there, Lovely Magician. You are just having trouble seeing it right now. You can very easily see the rain, the mud, the fog, the chickenpox. It is so very easy to see the debt, the broken car, the broken heart. The empty wallet, the empty side of the bed, the empty cup.
And this is exactly and precisely when you need to hold the vision. This is not easy. It is not for the faint of heart, but it is possible. It takes practice. It is achieved through mastery, and it is the way of the conscious creator. The way of Magic. The way of The Magician.
When we realize that our entire life experience is created by the thoughts we are thinking we can create anything we desire. Every single feeling and emotion we experience is directly connected to a thought we are creating in that moment. You are a powerful creator, and learning to hold the vision is essential if you want to create consciously.
The cup is empty but you can see it full. Not only can you see it full, you can taste it’s sweetness, see the steam rising from it, smell it’s faint scent, feel it’s warmth.
They see: grey skies, lost love, empty purse, loneliness, despair.
You see: sunshine, lovebirds, abundance, friendly possibilities, hope.
Your hope leads you to faith as you hold this vision of success for yourself.
Your faith SEES the cup overflowing.
Your faith inspires you to take action.
Your faith begins to produces evidence that you can see with your physical eyes. And then…
They see it, too.
That’s how magic works.
Learn to hold the vision. You can do it.
Use your imagination. Your imagination creates your reality.
Your ability to hold the vision will improve with practice. Your ability to hold the vision will allow you to feel the energy of what you want. Your feelings are a miracle. Your imagination, powerful. Your innate ability, magical.
Hold the vision until you realize the vision is holding you, pulling you forward, energizing you, lifting you up.
Hold the vision. It is the container for Magic.
Love & Magic,
P.S. Hiring a coach is a great way to get some support with holding your vision. I’d love to help you make some magic. You can purchase a single session here, or contact me if you’d like to have a conversation about how I can support you. I’m happy to hop on the phone with you and help you get clear on moving forward.
As an Energy Leadership practitioner I’m very familiar with the idea that one of the highest levels of energy is signified by the experience of resonant joy, and I was very keen to hop on this bandwagon and spend the month seeking joy.
We all have the same amount of energy and it shows up a little differently for each of us. According to the Energy Leadership model there are 7 levels of energy. The lower levels of energy, which show up as depression, fear, anger, conflict, jealousy, victim energy, etc. are all mostly catabolic, (which is the type of energy that creates stress and destroys our
health and relationships.)
The higher levels of energy are progressively anabolic, (anabolic literally means to “build up” – exactly the opposite end of the spectrum than catabolic.) Anabolic energy heals and builds, and one of the highest levels of anabolic energy is exemplified by the emotion of Joy.
Choosing to experience joy on a daily basis is a powerful decision.
The participants were encouraged to do one thing each day that would bring them joy. Even if it was just 2 minutes of joy. That sounds pretty easy, right?
Well…there is a reason why this project was called a “challenge” and as the month went on more and more people opened up to just exactly what the challenges were for them.
My own personal challenge arrived just a few days into the challenge in the form of a close friend being hurt by one of their family members. How do I continue to be joyful when someone I love is hurting? How do I bring the joy back when tears and consolation seem more appropriate? Those were the questions I was asking, and the answers did come for a powerful learning which I’ll share below – (#4).
Another challenge I had – there were plenty of opportunities to flex my receiving muscles. Like many of us, for me giving was easy – receiving proved to be stickier for me. We had a “spread the joy day” where many of us gave gifts and money to others. I had a blast handing out $5 bills. People were genuinely shocked and surprised. You might have thought I was handing out $100 bills! The responses were truly joyful and I had so much fun being the giver. It was the receiving where my big challenge showed up. During a day when we were all offering gifts to the other participants I noticed
some a lot of resistance coming up for me. Resistance to throwing my name in the hat. Resistance to saying “yes, I’d love that, thank you.” But I did it. And wow, the generosity of the group astounded me. And SO much joy was created from all of this generosity.
This challenge has been so powerful for me. I want to share a dozen ideas so you can create a more joyful life experience, too.
1. Choose Joy. Yeah, this might sound simple, but everything begins with an intention, a choice. So begin here: Choose to experience more joy in your life. Make the choice daily.
2. Listen to your body. Your body knows what brings you joy. Learn to listen to it. What feels like something you’d enjoy right now? The Joy Challenge participants had a real love affair with cupcakes, led by our fearless leader Amina who has a legendary relationship with cupcakes. Hey, if cupcakes can help you attract what you want
in your life, I say eat a cupcake. (And I ate my share, believe me.)
3. Make a list. I often have my clients make a “self-care boot camp” list. That’s a list of the things you need to be sure to take care of when you are in a time of intense stress (my own list includes meditation, extra protein, yoga,
fiction reading breaks, etc.) And I think maybe even more important now is a “Joy List”. Create a list of at least 10 things that bring you joy. Post it somewhere you can see this list of joyful things everyday. Do the things.
4. Feel ALL of your feelings. When something that is definitely NOT joyful comes your way (and it will), allow yourself to feel what you feel. All of your feelings are a miracle. All of them give you valid and important information about what’s going on for you. Your emotions and feelings are how your higher self communicates with you. Feel the feelings and let them pass, then the joy returns. If you ignore the feelings they get louder.
Don’t ignore them.
5. Get a joy partner. (or a whole group!) to support you in choosing joy. Joy is contagious. Energy entrains to itself. If you are constantly around others who are consciously creating joy your joy level will definitely increase.
6. Laugh. Watch a comedy, look at funny videos, learn a new joke, try some laughing yoga – whatever you have to do to get a belly laugh in once a day at least. Do you know one of the best questions to gauge how a relationship is doing is to ask “When was the last time the two of you had a belly laugh together?” Laughter is anabolic. It heals. Make sure you’re doing it. A lot.
7. Revisit your childhood. What is something that you loved as a child? Hopskotch? Sidewalk chalk? Blowing bubbles? Drawing? Singing? Jumprope? (Don’t hurt yourself). Going to the zoo? Eating cupcakes? What gave you joy as a child? Go do that.
8. Appreciate someone. During our challenge we had a day of appreciation. A couple of people gave me shout-outs of appreciation that were so heartfelt and amazing (and unexpected!) they brought tears to my eyes. It made me realize how powerful appreciation can be, and how much joy it brings when we communicate it.
9. HUG someone. Hug them for 20 seconds. Hugging causes our brain/body to produce chemicals that feel good. And the bonus is that a hug is truly a gift you can’t give without getting one yourself.
10. Dance! One of my favorite quotes is from Rabbi Nachman of Breslov (who was said to be ‘beleaguered by melancholy’) – he said, “The only way to rise after a fall is to dance your way up!” Music and dancing can lift a mood almost instantaneously.
11. Give. The thing that seemed to generate the most joy (as I observed it) was generosity. The days that were specifically set apart for gift giving and appreciation were the days that seemed to just BURST with joy.
12. Don’t give up! Keep reaching for joy. Nearly everyone of us that participated in the Joy Challenge had days when joy didn’t come as easily as other days. It’s okay. You’re a human being and that means you’re going to encounter a wide range of emotions and experiences in your life. That’s how it is supposed to be. We appreciate the joy even more because of the less-than-joyful things we go through.
People sometimes tell me that they have trouble meditating. They say, “My mind keeps wandering and I keep having to bring it back over and over.” I tell them, “Wonderful! You’re doing it!!” That’s what meditation is, it’s a practice of bringing your mind back to center over and over each time it wanders. I like to think of joy the same way, we will all have less than joyful experiences in our day to day lives – just remember to bring yourself back to joy.
Love & Magic (and JOY!),
If you’ve ever been my client you’ve probably heard me encourage you to “let it be easy.”
For some strange reason most of us think that the harder we work the more successful we’ll be. Actually, it isn’t a strange reason at all…most of us were raised in a family/culture/community that exhorted us to “work hard” every time we turned around.
However, the law of nature is the way of least resistance. Water travels down hill, electrical currents follow the easiest path, plants will grow around a rock – they don’t try to tunnel through it. Everywhere we look in nature we see the law of least resistance. That beautiful water is not struggling to tumble down that waterfall.
Non-resistance is imperative to magic. The only thing we’ll be really successful at manifesting if we’re resisting is more of whatever we’re resisting.
When I look back at the most enjoyable manifestations I’ve partaken in, like the time I manifested an owl, or the time I got a voicemail from the Universe, or even a few weeks ago when my car pretty much sold itself, I can see that there was no struggle at all. There was hardly even any action taken, let alone struggle. I was completely non-resistant and the manifestations came about with little to no effort on my part.
So that brings us to the big question. HOW do we let it be easy? HOW do we become non-resistant?
The answer of course is to stop making it be hard. Stop struggling. Stop resisting.
Of course that sounds simple. And actually it is simple. In a nutshell: just do what feels better.
Take a break. Forget about it. Trust the process. Trust the Universe. Trust your self.
And go have some fun.
I’m not saying that you should blow off your responsibilities, because taking responsibility for your entire life experience is the first thing you must do to create magic. I am saying that giving yourself a break and doing something fun will begin to shift the resistance, even if it’s just for 5 minutes.
You see, resistance is a pattern. And taking a 5 minute break to have fun is breaking the pattern.
Being resistant or non-resistant is a state. In any given moment you are either in the state of resistance or the state of non-resistance. The four things that create your state are your language, your physiology (or body language), your beliefs, and your focus.
The easiest of these four to change are your language (stop telling that story!!), and your physiology (get up outta that chair and dance or go for a walk or have some other kind of fun for 5 minutes).
What feels good to you? What brings you joy? Playing with puppies? Dancing? Listening to a great song? Giving someone a hug?
Our worries and fears are always connected to the past or the future, but all of our manifesting power is only ever here in the present, right now. So be present and let it be easy. Intend to feel better for the next 5 minutes…and then the next…and the next. Before you know it you’ll be making magic left and right.
Go have some fun, and let it be easy.
Love & Magic,
If you’ve read my last few posts you know I’ve been blogging about the things I want to feel this year. My annual theme used to be a word or two for the year, and now somehow it has morphed into a veritable buffet of words. Words that depict feelings and emotions, because I’ve decided that it may be really effective to just decide how I want to feel and focus on that (yes, a pretty basic Law of Attraction 101 kind of thought).
In the world of Magic (or Conscious Creation) we often hear about how important it is to exercise our “receiving muscles”. Law of Attraction at it’s most basic is just two steps: 1. Ask, and 2. Receive or Allow.
(Actually, the truest Magic can be boiled down to one step – Allow.)
But that’s often easier said than done. Many of us grew up hearing that it “is better to give than to receive” and so learning how to allow abundance in can be somewhat of a learning curve. If you were scolded as a child about being selfish it may be difficult now to find a way to allow anything in. Or if you’ve bought into the concept of “deserving.”
The quicker we can learn that giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin the sooner we can experience both generosity and abundance. If we want to give, we have to have a receiver, and if we wish to receive we have to be okay with someone else doing the giving. These two things are so entangled that we can’t have one without the other, and when we shut down our receiving abilities we prevent others from giving! We actually shut down generosity when we can’t receive.
I’m sure we’ve all been guilty at one time or another of saying “No” to someone wanting or trying to give to us. “I’ll pick up the tab for lunch today.” “Oh, no, no, let me get it.” I’m thinking of a certain friend of mine, we would have to hunt the waiter down and pay behind the other’s back before the check arrived if we wanted to have any chance of buying the other one lunch. We used to practically fight over the ticket. Obviously we had great giving abilities but we weren’t so versed in receiving at that time.
The fear of being selfish often creates a deficit in the self-care and self-love department. It seems it’s especially difficult for us to be generous with our selves.
So this year as I wrote my list I realized that prosperity and generosity had to go hand in hand for me. I had made the choice to be prosperous last year. Now, I wanted to make sure that I was being generous as well.
It’s easy to make the mistake of connecting generosity with money. When we win the lottery we’ll all be sure to give a nice big donation to our favorite charity and we’ll do something nice for our friends and family as well.
But generosity isn’t just about money. It isn’t just about giving to charity or picking up the lunch tab. In fact, true generosity is much, much deeper than dollars. It is a way of being that shows itself in areas that have nothing to do with money. It has to do with being willing to give whatever we have now.
Generosity is being able to find a kind word when there isn’t much inspiring you to do so.
Generosity is loving someone who is behaving in an unlovable way.
It’s more than a Facebook “like” – it’s taking a moment to leave a thoughtful comment.
It’s a smile given for no reason. It’s holding the door for a stranger, a hug given with an intention of love and compassion. A look into a stranger’s eyes that contains the blessing of “Namaste“.
Generosity creates an open-heartedness that heals broken-heartedness.
Generosity happens when we stop rushing. When we recognize that there is enough time, there is enough love, there is enough money.
Generosity is choosing to take the high road when others are not.
Generosity is being willing to forgive. In fact, this may be the ultimate in generous acts.
Over at The Love & Magic Salon we routinely do an exercise where we consciously choose an “I AM” statement for the day as a way of bringing qualities we want to embody into physical reality. A few weeks ago my statement was “I am generous.”
Then I asked myself, “How can I show up as a generous person today?”
The answers surprised me, because all day long I kept finding opportunities, and pretty much none of them had anything to do with money.
I could answer a Facebook post with more than just a “like”. I could compliment someone. I could give a little extra time to a client. I could offer a free coaching session. I could hold the door for someone. I could let my judgments go and see someone in a better light, just by choosing to do it.
And then…I could forgive. Hmmm didn’t see that one coming.
I realized immediately that this – forgiveness – is probably the most generous action we can take. And it’s not only generous towards others, it’s generous towards our self – because forgiveness opens the door to abundance, whereas resentment and unforgiveness nail it shut.
When we hold grudges, judgments, unforgiveness, and resentment, we weigh our self down and shut down our ability to receive. We close up. We dry up. And the more we refuse to forgive, the more others find reasons to hold things against us. That’s just basic Law of Attraction.
So here’s something I’ve come to learn. The easiest way I know to forgive is to ask for blessings upon those who have wronged me. Big blessings. Blessings of clarity and self-love. Financial blessings, blessings for perfect health and strong happy relationships. Blessings for success. Blessings for joy. Blessings for Bliss.
That might sound crazy, but it’s forgiveness in action.
And there is no way that I can keep holding a grudge or feeling resentment or unforgiveness for someone while I’m asking the Universe to bring them huge blessings.
Forgiving may be the quintessential act of generosity. And we can do it every day.
And here’s the beautiful part, forgiveness frees us.
When we step into generosity we open the door for abundance to rush in.
Besides that, it feels amazing. 🙂
Generosity is a state of being. It will show up in our actions, yes, just like every other state of being we choose and develop for our self. Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world, and so the bonus is that when we develop a state of generosity the world begins to be more generous with us as well.
That’s a serious win-win in my book.
Love & Magic,
This year I’m choosing prosperity. I’ve chosen a multi-layered “theme” this year described most easily by five different words. In recent posts I’ve written about the first three words, Powerful, Magical, and Safe. The fourth word on my list is Prosperous. All five of my word choices explain how I want to feel this year.
One day during the Summer of 2015 I was thinking about the theme of “Love & Magic” and how it not only was my theme for 2011 but it ended up becoming an overall theme for my life and business. On that particular day I was in the midst of a tight spot financially and I had an forehead slap moment – I actually said to myself, “Why didn’t I choose Love & Magic & Big Money?”
And then it hit me. It was as simple as that. I made the choice to have a magical life. I made a choice to find love. A decision. A non-negotiable decision. I hadn’t yet made a non-negotiable decision to prosper.
If you had asked me I would have said, “Yes, I want to prosper”, but the truth is I was still in the wishing and hoping arena. I hadn’t decided for prosperity. I was finding myself “hoping” that more money would come in, instead of “deciding” that more money would come in. Can you tell the energetic difference in those two ideas?
That realization hit me so hard that I made the choice that day. I was not waiting until the beginning of the year to have a new theme. I was choosing prosperity now.
You’ve heard me say plenty of times that our experience is directly connected to our identity. Well, here is the perfect example – a woman who is hoping to be prosperous is a completely different identity than a prosperous woman. I know that anything is possible once we make a choice. So I made the choice immediately.
Things began to shift very quickly, as soon as I stepped into the shoes of someone who was choosing to prosper and making it a non-negotiable decision.
Since I’m a relationship coach I study a lot of material dealing with relationship issues, and I coach a lot of people around their relationships. A common thing that happens in relationship is that someone can be very afraid of being alone/lonely/abandoned AND be afraid of being vulnerable/being known/connecting deeply. This creates a dynamic of pushing and pulling. Pulling in close, then pushing away.
I had such an aha moment about how this same strange dynamic can play out in other areas of life as well…like our finances – being afraid of poverty AND afraid of being wealthy, being resistant to lack AND being resistant to wealth. Or other endeavors where we are afraid of failure AND afraid of success.
What I realized is that in these scenarios where we are afraid of both ends of the spectrum we end up keeping ourselves stuck in the middle – which most of the time means lukewarm, mediocre, ho hum, not to mention boring and frustrating.
We can make a conscious non-negotiable decision to be the person who has an amazing and exciting soulmate relationship, a consistent flow of prosperity, and a high rate of success instead of a lukewarm relationship, just being comfortable (or maybe even just getting by) and a ho hum success rate.
But here’s the catch – when we make a conscious non-negotiable decision it’s going to show up in how we behave, how we think, what we say, who we are. There will be evidence of that decision. There will be action to back up the intention.
So this year I’ve been doing things a little differently. Here are few of the habits I’ve developed that have had the most impact where prosperity is concerned.
1. Tracking it. Every financial planner will tell you that you need to track your expenditures. But for me that just puts the focus on what’s going OUT – and since what we focus on expands, I’ve had a much better result when I’ve focused on what’s coming IN. I use a little notebook that sits on my desk and every penny that comes in gets written down. Even if it’s a penny I found on the sidewalk. Giftcards, found money, discounts on items that I would have spent full price on anyway – all get noted and tracked. Another great place to “track” your money goals is my all-time favorite work book for money relationship management: 12 Months of Miracles & Manifestation by Morgana Rae.
2. Welcoming it. I have a little bell, when money comes in we ring the bell and welcome it in. It’s a very celebratory feeling to ring that bell and say “Welcome Money!” I like to think that money feels so appreciated it just can’t wait to show up at my house.
3. Reading about it. I read a lot. Mostly I read books that will help me be a better coach. This year I’ve added a steady stream of two other genres – the first being books on money consciousness.
There are so many great books on this topic it was hard to narrow it down but I didn’t want to over load you!
Here are a few of my favorites:
The other genre of books I’ve added over the past year is fiction. You know, reading just for fun. This week I’m reading The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Real Magic: A Novel (and it is a fun book so far!) and the Handsome Sweetheart and I are reading All the Light We Cannot See (it is a very powerful and beautiful book). I’m enjoying both books and the bonus is that having fun has an effect on our level of prosperity.
4. Mantras: “The more fun I have the more money I make”. <—this is a money mantra I got from my friend Jeannette Maw, isn’t it great?! Plus it reminds me to have more fun (like reading fiction and playing outside!). Money mantras and affirmations are powerful. I’ve been adding these into my daily meditation time. Another one I really love from Catherine Ponder: “I accept prosperity as my divine right”.
5. Minding how I speak about it. Removing any words that reflect a poverty mentality. Our words are so powerful. We create an experience of lack when we continually use words that reflect it. There is no need to say “I can’t afford it”, when saying “I’m not going to buy that right now” or “buying this isn’t a priority for me today” works just as well. 😉 Be careful with your words, they create your experience in the world. When we use words and phrases that reflect a scarcity mentality we create that experience over and over.
How about you? Have you made a conscious decision to prosper this year? To have an amazing soulmate relationship? To create success in your life?
What practical steps have you taken to get your desired outcome?
Love & Magic,
Each year I choose a “theme” for the year and use it all year as my guiding light. Doing this each year has helped me stay on track to create the kind of life experience I want to enjoy. This year when I began to ponder a theme I decided to choose words that expressed how I want to feel. And as I did this I had FIVE words come up! The first word was “Powerful“, the second word was “Magical“, and the next word was “Safe.”
I’m so thankful that I have a wonderful relationship that I feel very safe in, because for years that wasn’t my experience. I know now that it is possible to feel completely safe in a relationship, and I want that for you, too.
This year as I pondered how I’d like to feel I realized I want to feel that same level of safety in all areas of my life, such as in my relationship with money, in my business endeavors, in saying yes to opportunities.
I addressed the idea of feeling safe in my latest gift for you, The Lovely Magician’s Guide to Soulmate Success, and I thought I’d share an excerpt here on the blog.
Safety & Self-love
A few years ago I recognized a trending theme in some of my coaching sessions one week, the desire to feel safe. The common denominators: Each client that communicated this desire was a woman, and all of them were referring to relationships with men.
I believe that one of the most important (if not THE most important) relationship ingredient for a woman is safety. When I speak of safety I speak of physical safety, of course, and also emotionally safety, and sexual safety.
As a relationship coach I hear this desire for safety expressed often, and as a woman I can relate to and understand this need.
One evening I was out riding my bike, and reflecting on my day.
As I was riding and thinking about the common thread throughout these recent coaching sessions I noticed a beautiful college age woman riding her bicycle around the lakes. She was not wearing a helmet.
Cyclists without helmets… something I see too often. My thoughts then turned to the drivers I see that are texting while driving and talking on cell phones while driving, once I even saw someone working on a laptop while driving! All unsafe activities that, unfortunately, people engage in all too frequently.
That is when these two trains of thought collided and merged into another thought; People often live out an identity that is not in alignment with their desire.
In this example, how can I expect to feel “safe” in a relationship if I am consistently putting out a message to the Universe that safety isn’t really one of my primary concerns?
The world around us is a mirror that reflects exactly what is going on inside of us. Our life experience is always directly related to our identity.
When what we say we want isn’t showing up, the clue we’re looking for can first be found within, and it shows up in our outside experience in our relationships with other people and things.
Our outer experience is a mirror of our level of self-love. When we decide to start loving our self fully everything in our outer experience changes for the better, including our relationships, of course.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this excerpt in the comments section! And be sure to get your free copy of The Lovely Magician’s Guide to Soulmate Success!
Love & Magic,
This year I decided upon some guiding words to support me in creating the life experience I want in 2016. Every year I choose a “theme” with a word or two to represent it. This year I had FIVE words come up and I just couldn’t part with any of them so I decided to see how it would go if I honored all of them. The first word I chose was “powerful“. The next word in line is the word “magical”.
First I think it’s important for you to know what I mean when I say “magic”. My definition of magic is:
The successful result of any conscious action taken to bring something from the metaphysical realm – (the realm of wishes, dreams, hopes, ideas, plans, brainstorms, etc.) into the material, physical realm (yes, everyday life!) having the hallmark of ease, grace, synchronicity and often an element of surprise and delight.
That’s pretty much sums up what I want to be experiencing on a regular basis. Some people call it the Law of Attraction, I prefer to call it Conscious Creation or Magic.
There is the element of “as above, so below” or “as within, so without”. But that particular aspect is not exclusive to magic, – it is just a fact of life. Our inner world creates our outer world. Our outer experience mirrors our inner experience. Magic is what happens when we begin using this aspect consciously.
One of the things that can trip up aspiring magicians pretty quickly (and sometimes even seasoned magicians!) is becoming discouraged when it seems like nothing is happening in spite of our best magical efforts. I call this the waiting game, and it’s part of the basic progression that is useful to be aware of anytime we attempt to consciously create an experience. If we pay attention to the natural world it will show up over and over. It looks like this:
Three Phases of Conscious Creation
1. It all starts in the realm of the metaphysical…this is the realm of ideas, dreams, brainstorms, wishes, etc. We can draw a parallel to planting seeds in a garden. This is the phase where we come up with intentions around what we want, we get as clear as we can on how we want to feel (we can’t plant carrot seeds and grow cucumbers!), and we start telling a new story. We start expressing gratitude for these things. We get aligned with what we want. Those new stories and thankful messages are like seeds. This is often a very exciting time. This phase is often marked by a feeling of possibility and exuberance. A sort of “anything is possible” feeling as we dream and plan and get lined up with how we want to feel.
2. Then, we begin the second phase – this phase is likened to the process of germination – this is the period of time where it looks like NOTHING is happening. And yet, this is the time when EVERYTHING is happening. There is A LOT going on under the surface even though it seems that everything is the same old, same old. Same old dirt in the garden. Looks like nothing has changed. This is the period of time that most people give up and revert back to telling the same old stories and focusing on the things that aren’t working. Telling the same old stories and focusing on what isn’t working is poison to those seeds by the way. The seeds of intention need to be watered and fertilized with new stories, gratitude, and faith. Just like a gardener who faithfully waters her seeds, KNOWING that soon she’ll be witnessing little green sprouts bursting forth. She does not dig up the dirt again, she doesn’t need to “check on the seeds”. No, she keeps watering and believing and picturing what her full grown garden is going to look like.
3. And finally…sprouts, then buds, then blossoms, then FULL BLOOM Manifestation! The harvest! Most people don’t wait long enough to see this part, which is why most people are living the same patterns over and over even though they have the power to change everything. Most people give up, go back to telling the same old stories of how things are working and stay living in the same garden dirt instead of enjoying the full bloom of manifestation.
Learning to hold the vision is possibly the most powerful thing we can do to shift from an outworn reality to a new and better one.
Most people may have trouble playing the waiting game that is intrinsic in nature, and in magic. I know you are not most people. I know that you can set yourself up for success by being patient, seeing the finished garden in your mind’s eye and learning to hold the vision, refraining from focusing on what isn’t working and telling a new story full of power.
This, is how magic happens. I am creating a magical year this year. I hope you’ll join me.
By the way, if you’d like some support in holding the vision, pop on over to The Love & Magic Salon. You’ll find a beautiful group of Lovely Magicians over there. We’d love to have you join us.
Love & Magic,