So pleased to announce that registration is now open for MOONLIGHT – A Course in Manifesting Love! Register here.
Love & Magic,
So pleased to announce that registration is now open for MOONLIGHT – A Course in Manifesting Love! Register here.
Love & Magic,
When I’m attempting to manifest a particular outcome and it just isn’t happening I often question my readiness. I think I want a certain thing, and I do really want it, but am I ready for it? That’s my big question. Because in my way of thinking, if I was ready for it I’d have it.
But one day it dawned on me that maybe something else was happening.
Ever have one of those dreams where you are back in high school? I know I’m not the only one, I have this conversation every so often and am never surprised to hear the same variations on this dream over and over again – “I can’t find my locker, I can’t remember my locker combination, I don’t know where my class is, I don’t have my books, I’m supposed to be taking an exam and I didn’t study”…and on and on. Familiar?
Whenever I have one of those dreams I remind myself that I’m “back at school” – I’m learning something. It causes me to perk up and pay attention to what lessons I’m currently learning…and what patterns I’m currently living. Because, as the wise Pema Chodron writes: “Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.”
Often people seek out a coach because they keep having the same problem over and over and finally decide that they need a bit of help and support to solve it. Usually the thing that we are trying to solve is an outward expression of an inward pattern. The outward expression is often obvious, the inward pattern sometimes isn’t. Those of us who coach people for a living get pretty good at spotting certain patterns over and over. Once a pattern is uncovered we can then shift it, that is where some of the really amazing coaching magic happens.
Often uncovering a pattern feels like finishing the big exam. Phew. Wow.
A sense of relief is often the signifying emotion.
A few weeks ago I was speaking with a client. I was explaining to her that because she had experienced a certain thing – a certain pattern – that she did not have to experience it anymore. We brainstormed about what big lessons she had learned and I likened it to graduation – I told her that she learned that lesson and that she didn’t have to learn it twice. This caused her to relate to me a back to school dream she once had. In her dream each classroom door had a list of the student’s names on it. She went to each door but couldn’t find her name on any classroom, so she asked a teacher she saw about it. The teacher said to her, “Your name isn’t there because you’ve already passed this class. You don’t need to be here.”
I think that was the best back to school dream I’ve heard of yet.
Sometimes even though we’ve learned a lesson, we continue to experience the “class” over and over by way of habit, by way of our habitually inhabiting a certain energetic space in which that particular lesson is being taught. Going through the motions of learning that lesson becomes a pattern, it becomes our story, and we keep experiencing it over and over. And there isn’t always a powerful headmaster outside of our self who is going to take our name off of the list and bar us from coming back to the class. We have to take that responsibility for ourselves. We can consciously recognize that we’ve learned the lesson, and excuse our self from class.
We can do this when we’re ready. Once we’ve understood the pattern, allowed the experience, acknowledged the learning, applied the lesson.
And then guess what? Time for a new lesson.
Are you ready for a new lesson?
I’d love to hear all about your “back to school” dream experiences, lessons you are finished with, new lessons you’re ready for, and anything else that comes up for you around this discussion! Leave me a comment below!
Love & Magic,
P.S. If you’d like some assistance uncovering those patterns that are keeping you stuck, be sure to check out my Summer Magic Jumpstart program. It’s open until the end of summer…and then it’s gone! Get in while you can. 🙂
A few weeks ago I had a realization – I was finding some results less than satisfactory and I immediately began questioning what I was doing – and hearing a voice in my head saying that I wasn’t doing enough, I should be doing this, trying that, applying a little more of this, and certainly doing a WHOLE lot MORE of THAT. (BIG CLUE: when you’re hearing “shoulds” – wrong thought path! Warning warning!)
And then I stopped myself – and I realized that pretty much any time I’m frustrated at my results and start to think I need to do MORE, be MORE, have MORE of something going on it is a direct symptom of my thinking that I’m not enough.
Now, to be sure, I’m not talking about the intuitive nudge that sometimes says, “Why not try this?” or “That could be a different way to do this!” – and sure enough, we get better results.
I’m talking about the nagging, critical, unfriendly voice that chides us and scolds us that we’re not enough.
How many “not enoughs” can you recognize in your thinking patterns?
Does that inner voice tell you you’re not productive enough, thin enough, curvy enough, smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, serious enough, playful enough, generous enough, educated enough, loving enough, intuitive enough, wealthy enough, frugal enough, spiritual enough, down to earth enough, logical enough?
And when we make those judgments about our self we create a reality that proves us right. We will always create a reality that proves our beliefs, so if we believe that voice every time it tells us we are not enough we will automagically create an unhappy outcome full of punishing events, because judgment and guilt bring punishment, you cannot have the “guilty as charged” judgment without creating some sort of punishing experience down the road.
So, today, I want to suggest recognizing that you are enough. You may not believe it yet, but just decide that you are going to adopt this belief. It doesn’t matter what objections come up. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel true, or if you feel awkward saying it. Just decide to believe it today.
Write it on a post-it and put it on your mirror. Or go a step better and do what I did – I bought a chalk marker from the hobby store and wrote “I AM ENOUGH” on all of my mirrors. It’s such a nice reminder that now every time I use a mirror I smile, and I can tell that my subconscious is beginning to believe it.
And that’s what’s important. There has to be agreement between the subconscious mind and the conscious mind. That agreement is often referred to in magic as the alchemical wedding. A marriage of conscious and unconscious beliefs creates super powers.
“I am enough” – This belief alone can destroy the limits you’ve currently placed on yourself.
And don’t worry – believing that you are enough doesn’t mean that you won’t want to make improvements, or make more money, or lose a little weight, or gain a few pounds, or become more educated, more generous, more loving, more spiritual, or whatever it is you’re desiring.
You will still want to do these things. The nature of Nature is that it wants to expand. You’re wired to grow, to flourish, to learn, to discover.
But you won’t be pursuing those things because you’re trying to be “enough”. You’ll be doing it because you recognize that you ARE enough. And that recognition will allow you to achieve your goals with a power you didn’t have access to before.
You are enough. Believe it.
Love & Magic,
This morning I ran across Monte Farber’s Instagram post on his bedtime ritual for better sleep. (<—a teensy tiny insta-read and totally worth it.)
This is pretty much the exact same bedtime ritual that I’ve been using lately, basically a form of meditation that cultivates the practice of benevolence, known as “metta” or “compassion meditation”. This is well known practice within Buddhism and Buddhist canon actually says that a person who practices compassion meditation “sleeps easily, wakes easily, dreams no evil dreams.”
The idea of forgiveness, and maybe especially self-forgiveness, has been coming up for me a lot lately. I’ve been coaching clients around some tough forgiveness issues, and I’ve been practicing forgiveness in a deeper way myself.
In a world where there is so much polarity, so much mudslinging, so many grudges, gripes, and grievances – it isn’t a wonder that insomnia is so prevalent.
Forgiveness is not always easy. Our ego tries to convince us that in forgiving we are condoning bad behavior, but that’s just not true. In forgiveness we are just recognizing that everyone is doing the best they can at any given time. We are recognizing that we can let go of the past and move forward even stronger than before, wiser than before, more experienced than before. Forgiveness takes us out of Victimland and gives us back our power.
When we choose to forgive we are setting our self free. Holding a grudge only holds US down. Grudges bind us to the painful event in consciousness, and why on earth would we want to do that to our selves? I’ve heard it said that holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die – the idea being that we are only hurting our self when we have unforgiveness. I agree that we are hurting our self when we hold a grudge, and we also hurt the whole of humanity because after all, we are all one.
Recently I wrote a Huffington Post article that mentioned the idea of “sacred contracts” – another perspective that may support you in forgiving. I’ve written a blog post on why self-forgiveness is essential. I have an interest in forgiveness because when we forgive we free our selves and others from judgment and guilt and the punishment that comes along with it, and in doing this we open up new pathways of abundance, for our selves, and for the planet.
And, the benefit of better sleeping, better waking, and no evil dreaming is pretty nice too.
Love & Magic,
P.S. Finding forgiveness for yourself and others is something I can help you with. Have you checked out my Summer Magic Jumpstart private coaching program? Have questions about working with me? I’m happy to hop on the phone with you and answer any questions you may have, just send me a message and let me know you’d like to have a conversation!
“You can have whatever you want as long as you are willing to have it.”
I remember the first time I heard this statement (too long ago to remember which mentor I heard it from, but it made an impact.) You can have whatever you’re willing to have.
That sounds pretty awesome, right? But here’s the rub: What if what I want comes with something I don’t want?
Like, I’d love to be the person who has loads of speaking opportunities and gets to fly all over the country teaching lovely magicians how to make more magic…but I hate lugging a heavy suitcase through the airport and waiting for late planes. Or, I’d love to have a closet full of gorgeous clothes, but I hate it when something I own gets a rip or a tear or a stain on it. Maybe you’d love to have a fancy sports car in your driveway, but you hate the idea of how expensive that high maintenance automobile can be. We all talk about “if I win the lottery” but most of us won’t because in our subconscious mind (or shoot maybe right up in front of our conscious mind!!) we are disturbed about paying those big taxes and nervous about all of the relatives and friends coming out of the woodwork wanting to share in our good fortune.
First of all…this game we’re playing? It’s called LIFE and it is full of little snafus, annoyances, things to take care of, busy work, and maintenance and management issues. I mean let’s face it, you can have a refrigerator full of the most amazing organic food, but there’s a pretty good chance that one or two of those organic strawberries is going to have a bad spot, yes?
I’m not here to be the party spoiler, I’m just being realistic. Yes, fancy sports cars require maintenance. Big money requires management. The people we love often have a few flaws that we have to deal with (and I like to remind myself that I’m no picnic sometimes either). Beautiful clothes require care and yes sometimes we spill red wine on a gorgeous white top (or is that just me?). If we win the lottery we will have people asking us to share. We will have a big tax to pay. We will also most probably need to hire someone to help us manage our windfall.
Managing money, taking care of a beautiful sports car or wardrobe, loving our soulmate in spite of whatever little idiosyncrasies they bring to the partnership, waiting on the occasional late airplane…these are all things that wealthy sports car owners, travelers, and happily-ever-aftered-soulmates are willing to do. They find a way to make it fun, or they delegate it to someone else, or they do it knowing it’s totally worth it.
Some Conscious Creators get very anxious when a “negative thought” or a worry comes up. But I say let’s just dive in to what could be. Let’s acknowledge and examine those worries and thoughts. If I buy a Porsche is it ever going to need expensive maintenance? What if someone vandalizes it? What if I drive it over a pothole and blow out one of those $600 tires? Am I willing to own a fancy sports car knowing that these things are possible?
Being willing to examine the everyday experience as well as worst case scenarios may be the very thing that allows you to loosen up the resistance to anything you’re trying to create.
What are you willing to have?
Love & Magic,
P.S. Your “willingness” can be greatly enhanced by working with a coach! Check out my Summer Magic Jumpstart private coaching special. I’d love to help you shift your mindset and create a better reality.
Why am I not seeing results? I hear this question (in one form or another) pretty often. And I’ve been pondering this lately, in a personal way, and in reference to client requests as well. Why is it that sometimes we don’t see results? Or the results we are seeing are not what we desire.
Maybe we can’t lose weight, or we think we aren’t making enough money, we don’t have a loving partner or perhaps our career path seems uncertain.
We feel ready for a big shift but our efforts don’t seem to be producing the effect we want. What gives? Why do we sometimes struggle to get the results we want?
One of the things that I’ve learned over the years is that every big shift comes after a big letting go. And letting go isn’t always the easiest thing to do. Part of us holds on so tightly to our past, to our present circumstances, to our beliefs, to our judgments, to “the way it is.”
So often our “letting go” takes on a physical aspect, such as de-cluttering, giving away things we don’t use anymore, or even letting go of relationships that are no longer serving. These can all bring about shifts that often feel so much better.
But, today, I’m thinking of something deeper that we must let go of to move forward: Self judgments.
Over in the Love & Magic Salon we have a weekly exercise of consciously choosing an empowering “I AM” statement. We choose “I AM” statements that contain qualities that we consciously decide to embody. “I AM powerful”, “I AM loving”, “I AM abundant”, “I am compassionate” are just a few I’ve seen posted this month.
But I rarely talk about the other side of this – the “I AM NOT” statements that we often carry around with us. “I’m not smart enough”, “I’m not attractive enough”, “I’m not successful”, etc. These “I’m not” statements aren’t always spoken, but they are often on auto-replay in our heads. Most of us could produce a fairly long list of them if we took the time to write them all down, and they all basically boil down to “I’m not enough”.
These “I am not” statements are judgments we’ve made against our self – we’ve decided that we are not enough and the judgement has been made. Guilty as charged.
And judgment and guilt always come with punishment. They can’t be separated.
Remember, the Universe is one big mirror of our beliefs and judgments, so if we are judging our self as not enough, we will always create a reality that proves us right.
We look at our past, we judge ourselves guilty, and we create future punishing experiences for ourselves.
The remedy for this is to come into the present moment and release yourself from the seat of judgment. Today is the day to forgive and release those judgments. The past is over. Today is the day to realize that we are all, always, doing the best we can. All of us. This includes you.
You may be unhappy with something you’ve created in your reality, but realize that judging yourself because of it only creates another unhappy experience. Learn from your experience, yes, but do this without judging yourself as guilty and creating a punishing future by default. Instead, create an empowering future deliberately by recognizing that you are worthy of goodness, abundance, health, love, and anything else you desire.
When we judge our self as guilty we bind our self to the punishment in consciousness. We can never see the results we desire if we believe we aren’t supposed to have them.When we forgive ourselves we release the judgments and can then go free to enjoy the greater experiences we desire.
Instead of sitting in the seat of judgment, sit yourself down in the seat of love and forgiveness.
Here is a ritual that you can do to anchor this act of self-forgiveness.
Find a comfortable place to sit. It may be a favorite chair, or a place out in nature that you love, or you may even want to relax in a bubble bath while you do this exercise. Close your eyes and breathe deeply. As you inhale say to yourself “I am enough” and as you exhale say to yourself “I forgive myself”. Do this several times as you relax your body. Judgments may come up as you do this, your inner critic may speak up and remind you of things you wish you’d done differently, or of things you wish were different in your life right now; when this happens just breathe in and say “I am enough, and I forgive myself for that.” Do this until you feel a sense of peace and self-love. Be gentle with yourself. Make a choice for peace and allow yourself to release all of those old judgments and feelings of guilt. The first time I did this I could not believe how many judgments kept coming up, but I felt a release each time I forgave myself and by the time I had finished I felt so much bright light in my body I felt like I could burst! And then I felt so light, and so peaceful. The feeling I experienced was a knowing that anything is possible. This exercise was so powerful for me that I knew I wanted to share it with you.
And while you’re there…don’t believe that little inner gremlin voice if it tells you that this is a process that takes a long time or that you’ll never be able to forgive yourself. You can forgive yourself instantly. Decide that you’re going to be different after you do this. Decide that you are going to forgive yourself now, today. It’s a choice, and it’s a choice based in love. Choose love for yourself today.
Take yourself out of the judgment seat and sit yourself down in the seat of love and forgiveness. You are worthy of everything your heart desires.
Love & Magic,
Do you have a vision for your future? For your life? For today?
All of us have been visionaries at one time or another.
Especially during those most hopeful times in our lives – graduation from high school or college, getting engaged, becoming a parent, beginning a new course of study or moving to a new city. Everything seems fresh and new and anything feels possible.
We dream, we envision, we swell with hope and excitement.
And then it happens…the job offer falls through, the marriage feels fragile, parenting is incredibly hard and at times completely unrewarding, the new course of study seems impossible, the new city just plain sucks.
We had such high hopes. We were on fire. We were in love. We were unstoppable…until…we stopped. Wet blankets. Broken hearts. Rain. Mud. Chicken pox.
Where did the sunshine, hearts, and flowers go? And why are the things we envisioned not arriving on our doorstep yet?
These are questions all conscious creators have asked at one time or another. Where is it? Where is my thing? That thing I ordered from the Universe? That thing I saw so clearly.
It’s there, Lovely Magician. You are just having trouble seeing it right now. You can very easily see the rain, the mud, the fog, the chickenpox. It is so very easy to see the debt, the broken car, the broken heart. The empty wallet, the empty side of the bed, the empty cup.
And this is exactly and precisely when you need to hold the vision. This is not easy. It is not for the faint of heart, but it is possible. It takes practice. It is achieved through mastery, and it is the way of the conscious creator. The way of Magic. The way of The Magician.
When we realize that our entire life experience is created by the thoughts we are thinking we can create anything we desire. Every single feeling and emotion we experience is directly connected to a thought we are creating in that moment. You are a powerful creator, and learning to hold the vision is essential if you want to create consciously.
The cup is empty but you can see it full. Not only can you see it full, you can taste it’s sweetness, see the steam rising from it, smell it’s faint scent, feel it’s warmth.
They see: grey skies, lost love, empty purse, loneliness, despair.
You see: sunshine, lovebirds, abundance, friendly possibilities, hope.
Your hope leads you to faith as you hold this vision of success for yourself.
Your faith SEES the cup overflowing.
Your faith inspires you to take action.
Your faith begins to produces evidence that you can see with your physical eyes. And then…
They see it, too.
That’s how magic works.
Learn to hold the vision. You can do it.
Use your imagination. Your imagination creates your reality.
Your ability to hold the vision will improve with practice. Your ability to hold the vision will allow you to feel the energy of what you want. Your feelings are a miracle. Your imagination, powerful. Your innate ability, magical.
Hold the vision until you realize the vision is holding you, pulling you forward, energizing you, lifting you up.
Hold the vision. It is the container for Magic.
Love & Magic,
P.S. Hiring a coach is a great way to get some support with holding your vision. I’d love to help you make some magic. You can purchase a single session here, or contact me if you’d like to have a conversation about how I can support you. I’m happy to hop on the phone with you and help you get clear on moving forward.
As an Energy Leadership practitioner I’m very familiar with the idea that one of the highest levels of energy is signified by the experience of resonant joy, and I was very keen to hop on this bandwagon and spend the month seeking joy.
We all have the same amount of energy and it shows up a little differently for each of us. According to the Energy Leadership model there are 7 levels of energy. The lower levels of energy, which show up as depression, fear, anger, conflict, jealousy, victim energy, etc. are all mostly catabolic, (which is the type of energy that creates stress and destroys our
health and relationships.)
The higher levels of energy are progressively anabolic, (anabolic literally means to “build up” – exactly the opposite end of the spectrum than catabolic.) Anabolic energy heals and builds, and one of the highest levels of anabolic energy is exemplified by the emotion of Joy.
The participants were encouraged to do one thing each day that would bring them joy. Even if it was just 2 minutes of joy. That sounds pretty easy, right?
Well…there is a reason why this project was called a “challenge” and as the month went on more and more people opened up to just exactly what the challenges were for them.
My own personal challenge arrived just a few days into the challenge in the form of a close friend being hurt by one of their family members. How do I continue to be joyful when someone I love is hurting? How do I bring the joy back when tears and consolation seem more appropriate? Those were the questions I was asking, and the answers did come for a powerful learning which I’ll share below – (#4).
Another challenge I had – there were plenty of opportunities to flex my receiving muscles. Like many of us, for me giving was easy – receiving proved to be stickier for me. We had a “spread the joy day” where many of us gave gifts and money to others. I had a blast handing out $5 bills. People were genuinely shocked and surprised. You might have thought I was handing out $100 bills! The responses were truly joyful and I had so much fun being the giver. It was the receiving where my big challenge showed up. During a day when we were all offering gifts to the other participants I noticed
some a lot of resistance coming up for me. Resistance to throwing my name in the hat. Resistance to saying “yes, I’d love that, thank you.” But I did it. And wow, the generosity of the group astounded me. And SO much joy was created from all of this generosity.
This challenge has been so powerful for me. I want to share a dozen ideas so you can create a more joyful life experience, too.
3. Make a list. I often have my clients make a “self-care boot camp” list. That’s a list of the things you need to be sure to take care of when you are in a time of intense stress (my own list includes meditation, extra protein, yoga,
fiction reading breaks, etc.) And I think maybe even more important now is a “Joy List”. Create a list of at least 10 things that bring you joy. Post it somewhere you can see this list of joyful things everyday. Do the things.
6. Laugh. Watch a comedy, look at funny videos, learn a new joke, try some laughing yoga – whatever you have to do to get a belly laugh in once a day at least. Do you know one of the best questions to gauge how a relationship is doing is to ask “When was the last time the two of you had a belly laugh together?” Laughter is anabolic. It heals. Make sure you’re doing it. A lot.
Love & Magic (and JOY!),
If you’ve ever been my client you’ve probably heard me encourage you to “let it be easy.”
For some strange reason most of us think that the harder we work the more successful we’ll be. Actually, it isn’t a strange reason at all…most of us were raised in a family/culture/community that exhorted us to “work hard” every time we turned around.
However, the law of nature is the way of least resistance. Water travels down hill, electrical currents follow the easiest path, plants will grow around a rock – they don’t try to tunnel through it. Everywhere we look in nature we see the law of least resistance. That beautiful water is not struggling to tumble down that waterfall.
Non-resistance is imperative to magic. The only thing we’ll be really successful at manifesting if we’re resisting is more of whatever we’re resisting.
When I look back at the most enjoyable manifestations I’ve partaken in, like the time I manifested an owl, or the time I got a voicemail from the Universe, or even a few weeks ago when my car pretty much sold itself, I can see that there was no struggle at all. There was hardly even any action taken, let alone struggle. I was completely non-resistant and the manifestations came about with little to no effort on my part.
So that brings us to the big question. HOW do we let it be easy? HOW do we become non-resistant?
The answer of course is to stop making it be hard. Stop struggling. Stop resisting.
Of course that sounds simple. And actually it is simple. In a nutshell: just do what feels better.
Take a break. Forget about it. Trust the process. Trust the Universe. Trust your self.
I’m not saying that you should blow off your responsibilities, because taking responsibility for your entire life experience is the first thing you must do to create magic. I am saying that giving yourself a break and doing something fun will begin to shift the resistance, even if it’s just for 5 minutes.
You see, resistance is a pattern. And taking a 5 minute break to have fun is breaking the pattern.
Being resistant or non-resistant is a state. In any given moment you are either in the state of resistance or the state of non-resistance. The four things that create your state are your language, your physiology (or body language), your beliefs, and your focus.
The easiest of these four to change are your language (stop telling that story!!), and your physiology (get up outta that chair and dance or go for a walk or have some other kind of fun for 5 minutes).
What feels good to you? What brings you joy? Playing with puppies? Dancing? Listening to a great song? Giving someone a hug?
Our worries and fears are always connected to the past or the future, but all of our manifesting power is only ever here in the present, right now. So be present and let it be easy. Intend to feel better for the next 5 minutes…and then the next…and the next. Before you know it you’ll be making magic left and right.
Go have some fun, and let it be easy.
Love & Magic,