Tis the Season

cocoaheart“I will not buy a pumpkin spice latte. I will not buy a pumpkin spice latte.”

The above quote was my best friend’s Facebook status a few days ago.  I laughed out loud when I read it.

I can say that I have never, not once, tasted a pumpkin spice latte.  But apparently, they are very hard to resist if you have.

After she posted her status someone commented, “Go ahead and have one. You deserve it.”

Now, in all fairness…I’m not judging the comment, in fact if I understand those words to imply, “You are so wonderful, I think you should have whatever it is you desire.” – and I totally agree.

I just don’t believe that my friend deserves a pumpkin spice latte.

Because I don’t agree with the concept of “deserving.”

If you want to have a fabulous life full of love, magic, abundance, and [fill in the blank with every single thing on your wishlist], you might want to just drop the whole concept of deserve. Because believe me, it is hindering your progress.

The belief that we deserve or don’t deserve something proves to be a hindrance FAR more often than it ever helps produces anything you want in your life.

Think that you have worked hard and deserve that promotion?  Are you such a good wife or husband that you deserve to be treated better by your spouse? Have you been such a great parent that you deserve your kids to always be on their best behavior?

Think again.

It’s perfectly fine and good that you want those things. So want them.  Get them. Have them. Enjoy them. JUST STOP believing that you deserve them.

Here’s why…

1. If you believe you deserve it and you don’t get it, you’ll then go on to believe that “life has been unfair to you” and this IMMEDIATELY transports you to Victim  Land.  You don’t want to live in Victim Land. There is nothing there you want.

2. If you believe that you don’t really deserve it and you get it anyway then you may feel guilty about having it and won’t be able to enjoy it, and you may even subconsciously find a way to “get rid” of it. (Ever meet someone who continually attracts great things only to lose them again and again?)

Look, it’s not your fault.  We get taught these concepts very early.

We begin our punishment and rewards journey as small people. We hear things like “Mommy and Daddy love you so much, you are such a good baby!”

Sometimes Santa Claus is involved. If you are a good little munchkin Santa will bring you lots of toys!! He keeps a list you know. If you are bad you may get a lump of coal!

We then move on to school where we are again manipulated encouraged to do well with other incentives (Make the honor roll and we’ll buy you a new bike! Fail the exam and you won’t be going out Friday night.)

Here’s the thing – the whole concept of “deserve” is very heavy, and it packs a lot of self-sabotaging power.

We consistently create our own roadblocks because deep down we think we don’t “deserve” something.  And we create a whole lot of victim energy because we believe we DO deserve some thing that we aren’t getting (which causes us to wonder if maybe we don’t deserve it after all – a vicious circle).

I know you want to have a life full of magic.  I want you to have everything you desire – every single thing that lights you up, that gives you warm fuzzies, that makes you laugh, brings a smile to your face, and warms your heart.

Not because you deserve it.  Just because you are you, and because a smiling, laughing, warm-hearted, lit-up version of you is the BEST version of you. Which is a wonderful thing for you, and for the whole world. The world needs you to be the best you possible, because we are all in this together and you being the best you makes the world a better place.

So get yourself a pumpkin spice latte. Not because you deserve it, but just because you want one.

Or skip it, if that is a better choice for you, not because you don’t deserve it, just because it’s the better choice.

And making the better choice brings a smile to your face, and to mine.

Love & Magic,

Cindie

 

 

P.S. Speaking of Seasons…Have you decided to join me for A Season of Magic?  We’ll be starting soon and I’d love you to be there with us!  Click here to find out more and to listen to Part I for FREE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

photo credits:
hot cocoa – amenic181- freedigitalphotos.net
Posted in Coaching, Conscious Creation, General, Magic, Personal Growth | 3 Comments

The Wonderful Hidden Value of Guilt

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“If only I wasn’t an atheist, I could get away with anything. You’d just ask for forgiveness and then you’d be forgiven. It sounds much better than having to live with guilt.” ~ Keira Knightley

Guilt. That icky sticky feeling we all hate and yet…just try something you think you shouldn’t or say “no” when you think you should say yes…and there it is! Guilt.

And although Catholics and Jews alike may claim to have a monopoly on it, it seems there is plenty of guilt to go around no matter what religion you practice, or don’t practice.

So, can we eradicate guilt? Is there a way to just get rid of it once and for all, and live a truly guilt free life? You might be asking.

Well, not so fast, although I do want to show you how to alleviate guilt, I want your life to be almost guilt free. That is, I want to show you the wonderful and amazing hidden value of guilt.  And once you see what it is, you’ll be able to use the little bit of guilt you do experience to create absolute magic.

Guilt only serves one purpose, and no, it isn’t to hound you and make you feel like crap until you finally give in and do what you think you should do.

Truly the one useful purpose that we can find in those feelings of guilt is that they can show us our own personal value system.  And once we see what it is that we truly value we can usually find a way to honor that value without compromising our boundaries, our self-esteem, our decisions, and our freedom.

The first step to ending the feeling of guilt, or maybe I should say transforming the feeling of guilt is to ask yourself WHY you’re feeling guilty.  What value is attached to your ideas about the situation?

Once I had a conversation with a woman who was feeling really guilty. She had made a decision to stay at home for the day with her small children and just “do nothing”…and as soon as she had made this decision the phone rang. A friend needed her help NOW. The need her friend had was very real, and it was urgent, and now she was torn but decided to honor her original plan and stay home with her babies. The problem now was that she felt overwhelmed with guilt, she felt terrible for not saying yes to her friend.

When I asked her why she felt guilty about her choice she answered me like I was crazy for even asking.  What a silly question! Her answer to my silly question was, “Because a good friend should always be ready to drop everything to help out!”

You see, she has a very high value around being “a good friend”. We discussed what exactly makes “a good friend”, and once we had a few more moments of discussion she began to see that there were a lot of other ways she could show up as a good friend, and without compromising her decision to stay home, to be a good mom, and to be good to herself.

So, this thing that has got you feeling all guilty, what value is it attached to? Why do you think you should? or shouldn’t? And how can you honor that value without compromising your freedom, your choices, and your boundaries?

Once you answer those questions and begin to see how to honor those strong values you have, you’ll feel the guilt lift…just like magic.

That’s the happy surprise hiding in your guilty feelings.

You’ll feel relief. You’ll feel the power that comes from honoring your own personal values. You’ll be free.

Love & Magic,

Cindie

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We Are All Made of Stars

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Have you ever heard the term “spirit radio“?…you know when a song pops into your head and it just seems like the Universe is speaking to you?

This morning when I woke up I had these lyrics (from Moby) in my head:

“No one can stop us now, ’cause we are all made of stars.”

Those lyrics have a pretty strong message. It is an awesome thing to remember that we are made of star stuff, to recognize that the Universe itself exists within us.

(One thing led to another and now I can’t stop listening to this 3 minute mash-up by Symphony of Science featuring Neil deGrasse Tyson.)

Something that this triggered in my brain is the whole idea of competition. The energy of competition is not exactly the highest level of connection, actually it may be closer to disconnection. A higher, more anabolic level of energy would be cooperation, with the most anabolic level being collaboration.

I’m sure most of us can identify those areas in our own life and in our relationships, or at least in the world around us.  We see competition everywhere, cooperation is easy to see too (especially if we are looking for it) and less often but still pretty likely, collaboration.

Everyday, people and things compete for our time, our money, our loyalty, our attention.

But here is the thing that Moby’s song lyrics brought to mind for me this morning – There is NO competition in the realm of Spirit.

The idea of competition has a certain connection with scarcity mentality – “there isn’t enough for everyone” kind of thinking. On occasion it is true, for instance there is only one “First Place Winner” in a race. But in most areas it isn’t a useful frame of thinking. Especially when your goal is to create abundance, wealth, well-being, health, strong relationships, and anything else associated with anabolic energy.

Competition < Cooperation < Collaboration

Recently I had a conversation with a friend and she mentioned feeling really awful because someone had stolen her material. (Ouch! Not fun – and I do absolutely believe that we should protect our copyrighted material and take measures to safeguard any intellectual property that belongs to us – stealing other people’s ideas and work is not okay!!)

I also believe that our chosen beliefs can add to or take away from the emotional charge that we have in response to situations like this.

I related to her how when I started using the words “Magic” and “Magical” in my branding I also started noticing those words pop up in a lot of other people’s branding as well.  At first that felt uncomfortable.  OH NO!! My ego seemed to fear “competition.”  I quickly remembered a few key things:

1. I don’t own “Magic”.

2. My magic is never diminished by anyone else’s actions.

3. There is no competition in the realm of spirit. We are all made of stars. The more magic in the world the better.

The energy of competition is necessary at times, but so often we apply it when it is anything but useful.

Your potential is not limited by anyone else. You hold the keys to your own brilliance, your own magic, your own success.

When we step out of the energy of competition, and begin to move towards the energy of cooperation and collaboration we open up realms that cannot exist in a scarcity mentality. These realms that open are places are full of magic and possibility.

The sky’s the limit for us when we choose love instead of fear, when we choose cooperation and collaboration over competition. When we realize the Universe itself exists within us.

No one can stop us now, ’cause we are all made of stars.

Love & Magic,

Cindie

 

 

P.S. Speaking of making magic and stepping into incredible energy…Be sure to listen to The Magical Summer audio class (for free!!) – this will also put you on the list so I can let you know when you can hop on board for round 2 (A Season of Magic coming this September). Round 3 coming Spring 2015.

Posted in General | 4 Comments

Enlightenment

Enlightenment.

It seems like an idea that much the world may not think about all that often. And if we do consider it, it might seem so huge and far out of reach that it just becomes a cliche, a cartoon.

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Nirvana!

But it is said that there are only two symptoms of enlightenment:

1. You stop worrying

2. You experience more meaningful coincidence or synchronicities.

I don’t know about you, but I’m perfectly okay with leaving my worries behind. I happen to come from a long line of champion worriers so some of that habitual worrying was in my DNA, but I’m happy to let it go. (Sorry, Mom).

And having a life full of synchronicities is awesome beyond words. So yeah, enlightenment, let’s dig it out of the “that won’t ever happen” file and place it front and center on the “let’s get it done” list.

This past week I experienced some very cool synchronicities.  I’m still curious to how they will unfold and I wanted to make a record of them so I thought I’d put it here, for you, and for me – a sort of magical diary entry.

Here is how this  past week played out for me.

I’ve always been attracted to birds. They speak to me in some way, not in english or even in words but just by the way they interact. Just a sort of “knowing” I have, a connection. I’m open to what all of nature has to say, and I’m specifically very fond of birds. They are beautiful. And they can fly! The flying is enough to make me love them in and of itself, but so many times a bird has shown up in a significant moment, I’ve just grown to love them more and more, and to pay attention. I’ve often joked that I want to bring back augury as a valid spiritual practice. The registered name of my coaching business is Songbird Coaching.

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So, recently when I began thinking that maybe there was some other “power animal” out there calling to me, it almost felt like I was cheating on the birds. I mean, really, why in the world would I need a new power animal? And what the heck is a power animal anyway? (Seriously, I mean my birds are just my birds. But totem animals aren’t my area of expertise, so why do these thoughts keep nudging me, I’m busy planning a new class! Sheesh, stop it thoughts!)

But in the midst of those thoughts I opened an email from an online magazine that promotes female entrepreneurs, and on the cover was a woman named Emelie, who was a specialist on, yep you guessed it: Totem animals.

So I decided to sign up for information about her class on power animals. And as far as I knew the person teaching this workshop was a regular person with a regular person name, but when Emelie’s confirmation email came it was signed “FOXY” in big red letters.

foxyemeliepicketsignaturesnippet

Now, that in itself wouldn’t have made me take notice – but the very next email I opened in my inbox was from Catbird, the jewelry shop in Brooklyn. The email was for Ruby birthstone rings, and it said this:

foxybirthstones

Okay, Universe. I’m noticing. And I told a few people, and then I sort of forgot about it all for a few days. I’ve been working on the course content for a Magical Summer, (So I can teach you practical tools so you can have some more magic in your life, too!) so I was busy. I just didn’t have time right now to research foxes and totem animals and all of that.

Well, I might not think I have time, but apparently my inner, higher, wiser self decided to make time. Because then I had a dream that I found a baby black fox in a birdcage on my front door step. (“Really?, my dream self thought, “There are black foxes?”) Thank you, Google, for validating this fact.

BlackFox-1

In my dream, I brought the birdcage into the house and took out the baby fox. It was black, tiny, cute, and had ginormous ears. I thought maybe it was a stuffed animal because it was just SO cute and little. BUT…it had very sharp, long, shiny claws and it wanted to scratch around, a lot. So I decided to put it back into the cage because I didn’t want to get scratched. I then looked out on the front steps again and there was a HUGE powerful, majestic, beautiful LION.

And this is where the dream ended…but I was aware that someone was threatening to kill the lion, and in my dream I knew that it was just an idle threat.

I couldn’t stop thinking about this dream, and so I did what anyone would do, I posted it on facebook. *grin*

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and then 2 seconds later I clicked over to another Facebook group and saw that someone had posted a gorgeous painting…of three foxes. <OMG, seriously?>

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(And I just tracked down the artist, Marrus, so you can purchase this gorgeous painting here if you like.)

So I immediately asked one of my close friends, Catherine Adams, who is a terrific coach and is also the absolute Queen of Dream Interpretation to have a conversation with me about it.

Catherine had me embody the dream elements, speak as the dream elements (I am the birdcage, I am small, strong, protective!) to get a really good idea of what my dream was saying to me and then we pieced together the short dream again.

By the end of our call it sounded like this:
I opened myself up [birdcage], and I let out some playfulness, new energy and curiosity [fox]. This curiosity that showed up, it was great at listening [huge ears!]. I wasn’t even sure it was real, it was really cute and sweet…but it was also dark and a bit edgy and it sure liked to dig around a lot! So I decided to put it back inside because I didn’t want it to hurt me. I then looked again and there was a HUGE powerful, majestic, beautiful lion there too. And that strong beautiful lion made sure that I knew it was NOT going anywhere, was not going to die, it was steadfast…no matter how much digging around I did, no matter how edgy I got, no matter how curious I was. And all of those rumors that it was going to die if I opened up were just idle threats.

Right now I’m putting the finishing touches on The Magical Summer course. I’ve questioned if some of the material is too edgy.  This “message from the Universe” came just in time, don’t you think?

Right at this moment, as I’m typing this blog post, I took a little break to get some water and to check on my Facebook group The Love & Magic Salon. I happened to see a friend who makes jewelry taking a random survey asking “what is your ring size?” I quickly posted, 3.5. Then my notifications kept pinging with comments (Holy Hell!! 3.5?) so I commented that my pinky ring size was 1.5 – but then I thought I’d double check, and the only way I knew to do that (since it’s not like I just have a ring sizer laying around over here) was to go over to eBay and see what size the pinky ring was that I bought there a couple of years ago. I opened to “my purchases” and randomly scrolled back to 2012. The first auction I saw was a purchase my son made for Halloween 2012. It said, “Adult Sized Fox Mask”. 🙂

fantasticfoxsnip

Okay, Universe, I’m paying attention.

Truly, Magic is what happens when your inner world and your outer world collide in Love.  And I’m loving it.

What kind of magic has been going on in your life this week?

Love & Magic,

Cindie

 

 

Note: After I finished editing this blog post I shut down my computer for the weekend, and left the house to run some errands. I had submitted a list of books to my local library, and a couple of them had come available and were waiting for me to pick up.  One of them was a book called The Way of the Shaman by Michael Harner.  I had forgotten about this one, but there it was and looking very well, um, loved.

wayoftheshamanbook

You can see by the picture that the cover is pretty much destroyed.  Upon thumbing the edge of the pages I discovered that there was one (and only one) chapter with a dog-eared corner mark.  The chapter title: Power Animals. LOL.  Love the Universe’s sense of humor!  That’s what I call Magic.

Note #2:

Update: July 9th I had awakened from the dream that I mentioned in this post. What I didn’t mention was a second dream – it was very short, and honestly sort of grossed me out. So of course, I let it go and focused on the “cooler” and “prettier” dream. In the shorter dream I had something in my throat, that felt like congestion and so I ran into the bathroom to spit it out in the sink. What I spit out instead was a huge dragonfly.

This morning I started reading The Way of the Shaman by Michael Harner (pictured above). Again, until this morning when I started reading I had little to no experience or knowledge about Shamanism. I didn’t know that “power animals” were part of Shamanism, and I knew zero about any specific Shamanistic practices besides knowing that “Shamans travel into ‘other worlds’ via altered states of consciousness with the intention of healing others.”

So this morning when reading about the Jivaro Shamans I was shocked to read that one of the oldest shamanistic rituals ends with the Shaman spitting an insect out of his mouth. LOL.  I think there may be some shamanic journeying in my future. And as long as I can do it without putting an insect in my mouth I’m cool with it. 😉

Posted in General, Magic, synchronicity | 8 Comments

How to Live a Magical Life

keyring

What is a “Magical Life”?

First let’s get straight about what it isn’t. Living a “Magical Life” does not mean that you never feel pain, get sick, experience hurricanes, accidentally kill your house plants, have a sick puppy, bad restaurant service, marital spats, the common cold, or see your computer crashing.

What it does mean is that along with all of the “ordinary” crap that goes on in this life, magical people worry a lot less, and experience miracles a lot more.

And while you are worrying less and miracling more, the ordinary crap doesn’t get you down quite as much. When things are not getting you down, you can rise to the top. Or at least “feel” like you’re on top. On top of things. And I think you’ll agree with me that feeling “on top of the world” is preferred to feeling “down in the dumps.”

So how does one become a Magical person? How does one come to live a “Magical Life”?

A big part of it is the choosing. I did not set out to be a Magician. But I did set out to find the “truth”. I did set out to choose my life (eventually).

At some point I was tired of being “down”, I was tired of unhealthy relationships, of poverty mentality, of worrying about everything, of faking it. I was tired of wishing and hoping that things were different.

And I knew there was more and better than what I was experiencing in my life.

I also, somehow, discovered that more and better were NOT going to fall out of the sky into my lap, but that it could be mine for the taking, if I knew where to look. If I had the key.

Or maybe I’d need lots of keys. Like somehow I needed to find a big ol’ jailer’s key ring to let me out of my own personal prison.

But, once I found one key they all seemed to just keep showing up. Here a key, there a key, everywhere a key key. (In the middle of all my discovering I also discovered that my surname actually translates to ‘keymaker’. ha!)

So, today I want to give you a couple of keys that you will want if you are determined to live a Magical Life.

First up – The Key of Universal Support. The absolute first key that opens the first door is the Key of Universal Support. This is something also known as Pronoia, which is the opposite of paranoia. Paranoia sounds like “everyone is out to get me” and Pronoia says “the Universe is always supporting me.” Once you truly believe that The Universe is Always Supporting You, you will not look at anything the same way. And remember, when you change the way you look at things, things change. Without getting into a deeply scientific discourse on quantum mechanics, Schrodinger’s Cat, and single photon interference, let’s just agree that reality (actual physical reality) changes up when we observe it. And how we observe things changes with our perspective of whether or not the Universe is supporting us.

Second up – The Key of Best. I really want you to remember this one. Because it also has the power to dramatically change your life for the better. The Key of Best is this belief: Everyone (including you) is doing the Best they can at any given time. Everyone. The Best. Everytime. So those things you are pissed off at him (or her, or them) about? They were doing their best. That thing you did that you regret?- at that moment, it was your best, if you could have made a better choice you would have. The End.

And what that means is that you can forgive. Yourself, and them. Go ahead. Forgiveness opens the door to abundance. Resentment and unforgiveness nail that door shut.

These first two keys are just the beginning. My life is magical and I want yours to be, too.

Love & Magic,

Cindie

 

 

P.S. Want to make some magic together? Check out A Season of Magic…we begin in less than 2 weeks, and you can hear part 1 for free, just click the banner below for more details!

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featured image: Old Keys by Suat Eman freedigitalphotos.net

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How to Transform a Crappy Feeling

yuki_the_wonderpuppyYesterday, over in the Love & Magic Salon I asked my beautiful group, “What nice thing are you planning to do for yourself today?”

One of our members replied that she needed to forgive herself for feeling crappy, and then she added “Sorry to be such a downer.”

The truth is we all have days when we “feel crappy”…and NO forgiveness is necessary.

You might wonder WHY no forgiveness is necessary…it’s because your feelings are a miracle! ALL of them, even the ones that fall into the “crap” category. And let’s face it, we’ve ALL had those days.

But here is the deal – your feelings are your higher self’s way of speaking to you, they are your body’s way of speaking to you, they are your soul’s way of speaking to you, your heart’s way. Which is why I refer to your feelings as “the voice of love”.

You don’t need to “forgive yourself” for your feelings. You just need to honor yourself, and honor your feelings.

Our feelings are a direct result of our needs being met or unmet. When our needs are met we feel great! When our needs go unmet we feel, well – not so great. (Crappy).

So here is what I suggest Dear One if you’re feeling crappy:

1. Get quiet. Find a space/time where you can be still, quiet, and comfortable. Give yourself some time (at least half an hour). Give yourself some comfort, a cup of tea, a nice blankie, a cuddly puppy (my cuddly pup, Yuki, is featured in the photo – she is perfect for this so if you have one just like her go ahead and grab that pup). Now, just get comfortable.

2. Close your eyes and spend some time relaxing. Start at your head, relax your face, your neck, your shoulders, your back, etc. Work this relaxation process all the way down to your toes. Soft meditative music might be helpful.

3. Acknowledge how you are feeling and ask your inner self what is it she needs, without judgment. “I notice that you are feeling pretty crappy today. What do you need to feel better?”  It may be something much easier than you think.

4. Listen. Cry if you need to.  Give yourself permission to feel all of your feelings. Listen some more. 🙂

5. Act. Sometimes just the listening process is enough, because a lot of times our inner self is trying to get our attention but we just have a hard time slowing down enough to listen. If you get an answer that you can take action on, do it. Sometimes we just need some quiet time, other times we need to do something fun, or maybe your inner/higher/wiser self is bringing your attention to something you’ve been avoiding.  Reach out to a coach,counselor, or friend if you need support. We are wired for connection and community, and we ALL need
support sometimes.

Trust yourself, trust the process, and always honor your feelings and emotions.

Your feelings are a miracle – ALL of them.

Love & Magic,

Cindie

 

 

P.S. I’ve got a FREE call coming up on July 8th that will help you even more! Click here to find out more!

 

 

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The Number One Reason You Need to Set Boundaries

tulips and fence - Satit Srihin - fdp

When a client shows up to a coaching session very happy with the fact that they have finally created a boundary or two I say BRAVO!! Good for you! Excellent work! YES!!

Most of the time we set a boundary because something is not working for us, and I want your life to work for you. So I thought I’d share a bit of the conversation that’s been happening lately.

I’m going to start with a really simple illustration that will help explain a few key ideas about boundaries.

This is a little story I used with some clients this week to get really clear about the how, why, and when of boundary setting.

Mary works from home and usually finishes up her workday around 6:30 in the evening. Down at the bottom of Mary’s hill there is an eatery that she really likes to visit nearly every day for dinner. The little bistro has a sign on the door that says “We Close at 7pm”.

Mary often gets there at 7:10 or 7:15…but if she knocks they come and unlock the door, greet her with a big smile and let her in.  And then they serve her something delicious.  It’s a wonderful place!

If the above scenario keeps happening Mary will most likely feel free to keep showing up after closing time. Because, “Why not?!”, she thinks,”They always open up for me (I must be special!)”

And behind the kitchen doors there is a lot of grumbling and complaining…because the owners and workers would like to be cleaning and closing up and instead they are preparing food for Mary. They are in that space of tolerating Mary’s late arrivals, over and over, and they are doing it with a big smile).

(Here is a hint for you – are you grumbling and complaining about someone’s behavior? and maybe smiling the whole time?)

Even though the bistro has a sign that says they close at 7, they don’t hold to it, it’s a weak boundary and Mary doesn’t pay much attention to it.

Now…here is the thing (that invisible thing that keeps popping into my head lately!) – the boundary they’ve set (closing at a certain time) is to help them create the life they want (they want to be done with serving customers by 7, they want to finish up their work day and go home, they want to have time in the evening to have a life outside of their restaurant work). THESE are the reasons for creating the boundary – NOT to create a different behavior in Mary.

Do you see the difference? Yes, if they stop opening the door when Mary arrives after 7 she will probably stop arriving late, because she won’t be getting what she is coming down there for, so yes, her behavior will most likely change, but that is not the intention of a good boundary.

In fact, if I set a boundary with an intention to change someone else’s behavior, the boundary won’t really be able to serve me, because I’ve just attached the happiness/comfort/safety/whatever I’m trying to create (the success of my boundary) to someone else’s behavior, which is something I cannot control.

In our example above, if the intention is to get customers to stop coming after 7, then every time a customer knocks on the door after 7 we will feel frustrated that our boundary has failed. However if the boundary is created to protect our time/space/energy after 7 so we can use it as we choose (cleaning and closing the restaurant and having a life) then we have succeeded.

The boundary must be set (and made strong by our willingness to uphold it through action) with the intention that it supports us in creating the life we want. It releases us from tolerating something that we don’t want.

The number 1 reason to create a boundary is to support you in getting your needs met. Because when your needs are met (physical, emotional, financial) your life works better. You feel better. You start seeing more Magic happen. (Seriously)

Your boundaries are there to serve you, not to change someone else.

When we have weak boundaries all kinds of things come into our space. Things that bother us, irritate us, harm us, frustrate us, etc. Then we proceed to “tolerate” these things.

In fact, tolerating crap things, is the number one symptom that lets you know you have weak boundaries.

Something I’ve told my clients (and myself) over and over is this:

I’ve helped lots of people set boundaries and I’ve taught the basic boundary setting steps before here and here.

But, it’s the INTENTION we have when we set a boundary that is so extremely important. Anyone who has worked with me or read my blog or hangs out over at The Love & Magic Salon, KNOWS that I’m an intention setting ninja. I believe that intentions have POWER.

The outcome you really want to see plays a huge part in determining your success. And most of the time it is something below the surface, something unspoken, something I’ve had to dig around to find. (OH! So you’re wanting him (her, them, it) to change? Well then, no wonder you’re struggling!)

Here are a few tips to support you to create strong boundaries, with the intention that will give you a much better chance of success.

1. Know why you want to create them, and what you want to create ultimately (remember, your boundaries are about YOU getting YOUR needs met, NOT a tool to get someone else to change their behavior.)

2. What are you tolerating, and what would you like instead?

3. Know what you will do to make your boundaries strong – a boundary needs to be more than just verbal, there needs to be action involved.

4. Know what you will do if the boundary is crossed or tested (because I guarantee it will be).

5. Choose these things wisely, create your boundaries only as strong as you are willing to keep them.

Strong boundaries are a big key to you living a life full of Love & Magic.

And let me know in the comments section what you enjoyed most about these ideas!

Love & Magic,

Cindie

 

 

P.S. Setting Boundaries is an Act of Love 🙂

Posted in Coaching, Conscious Communication, Conscious Creation, General, Personal Growth, relationships | 10 Comments

Do You Know These Magical Words?

Zan_Zig_performing_with_rabbit_and_roses,_magician_poster,_1899-2

“A person knowing the power of the word, becomes very careful of his conversation.”  Florence Scovel Shinn

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase “Magical Words”?

Words of love? Poetry? Prayers? Affirmations? Spells? Chanting? Sacred Writings? Love Letters? My blog? (kidding) Blessings? Songs? – All powerful words.  All-powerful words.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the magic and the power of words.  In fact the other night I dreamed all night that I had written an article titled “Magical Words”…so here we are.

Words, what would we do without them?! A friend of mine once told me a story about a silent retreat that he and his wife took. By lunch of the first day she was trying to spell a message to him with the carrot shreds in the salad. Words are such a necessary part of our daily life, we hardly know what to do when we can’t use them. And we use a lot of them. (especially me.)

Powerful words.We bless, we pray, we affirm, with words.

Many creation myths tell of the world being spoken into existence.

In the 15th century the “Sefer Raziel HaMalakh” (a Jewish text ‘The Book of Raziel the Angel’) presented a teaching about the power of speech.

The famous conjuring phrase of magicians the world over, “Abracadabra”, comes from the Aramaic “Avra” (I will create) “Cadabra” or Hebrew “Kedoobar” (as was spoken). Abracadabra – I will create as was spoken.

How careful we would become regarding our conversations if we really understood the power of our words…and  not just our conversations with others, but the conversation (usually an ongoing stream of words) that we have with our self, those 60,000 words per day that are our thoughts – the words we speak in our inner conversation.

We indeed create our experience with words.

Almost everyone I know can remember a time as a child where someone spoke something to them that has stayed with them to this day, years and years later.  Whether it was a word of hope, of encouragement, of blessing, or words of criticism, hatred, or shame.  Many times those words still have power years later. Power to create beliefs and stories and experiences.

The book of James in the Christian bible admonishes us, “Out of the same mouth proceeds both blessings and cursings, brethren these things ought not to be!”

Can we expect results from our own affirmations for our personal prosperity and wellness and yet continue to speak words of resentment or tell stories that foster our unforgiveness?

Resentment and unforgiveness will block you from being in the flow of abundance like nothing else can block you. Here’s the fix – Stop telling the story of how someone hurt you, forgive them and let it go.  They hurt you once, and by telling the story over and over and over you hurt yourself many times more. Your brain and nervous system and body experience those painful emotions every time you tell the story.

Forgiveness opens the door to abundance. Resentment nails that door shut.

By forgiving someone you aren’t agreeing with what they did.  You aren’t “letting them get away with something.” You’re just freeing yourself from the results of unforgiveness and you’re making the choice to heal.  Telling the story over and over keeps the wounds open.  Move on.  Recognize what you learned from the opportunity and apply it. And if you are having trouble, reach out and get help.  Get a coach, or a therapist, to help you move through it.

Believe that you can heal.  Believe that you can create abundance.  Believe in miracles.  Believe that everyone is doing the best they can at any given time.

We choose our beliefs.  Our beliefs inform our thoughts.  Our thoughts create our stories, and those stories are comprised of the words that create our experience.

Our words literally speak our life experience into existence. Our words are powerful…

And other people’s words only have whatever power we give them.

It’s our own words that have the power to change and direct (for better or worse) our own lives.

How many of us can catch ourselves being resentful that someone whom we think is undeserving of abundance is thriving?  (or maybe we just think they’re “lucky”)

How many of us use mantras (all the time!!) like “I can’t afford it”, or “nothing ever works out for me”, or “She’s so lucky!” or “I wish I could have that but it will never happen for me” or how about “all the good men (or women) are taken” – ALL powerful words that will create what we experience.

And if we keep speaking those words on a continual basis we continue to create poverty, lack, ill health, loneliness, “bad luck” and all manner of misery and suffering for ourselves.

Believe me, I’ve created some suffering of my own in my life, and I recognize now how I did it, and I take full responsibility for it, which  means that I’m not suffering now.

I do experience pain because life can be painful.  But suffering is another story.  As they say, “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.” Here is why it’s an important distinction to make…

Your suffering is never going to evolve into your bliss. Never.

The fastest way I know of to move from suffering to bliss is to change your language.  Change your words.

Stop using words like “have to”, “can’t”,  “should” and “need” for starters. (More about that here)

Now look, I’m NOT talking about being a Pollyanna and ignoring our uncomfortable feelings.  All of our feelings are miraculous, they’re all valid, and we need them ALL – they give us great information. And if we are smart we can take that information about how we are feeling and use it very wisely.  We can also choose the words we want to use and choose the stories we want to tell to create more pleasurable feelings and emotions.

I recognize that sometimes we think we don’t have enough (usually about money) so another trick I love is to

1. STOP saying there is not enough (If you are still here and still alive then somehow there has been enough!) and

2. Actively and consciously recognize that there is usually WAY more than enough. I need a tea bag to make a cup of tea and I have about a hundred of them in the drawer – more than enough.  I need about a teaspoon of shampoo to wash my hair, and I have almost a whole bottle, WAY more than enough.

Do you see where I’m going with this?  All the times you want to say “I don’t have enough (usually about money), realize that in most areas, right this minute, you have MORE than enough.

Everytime you have more than you need, be aware of how abundant you actually are! (Bonus points for actually saying it out loud! Powerful words! “I HAVE WAY MORE THAN ENOUGH!!”)

We all have bad days, we all have shitty experiences, but we don’t have to suffer endlessly over them.

One of my favorite ways to “reframe” and shift my perspective during one of “those times” is to say this: “This experience [fill in the blank with actual thingie that sucks] SUCKS, and it’s also giving me the opportunity to [fill in blank – be creative – look at the bright side – SEE the opportunity.]

Like this: “Spilling all of these coffee grounds on the floor sucks, and it’s also giving me the opportunity to get the floor a lot cleaner than it was a few minutes ago.”  In fact, I ACTUALLY said that because it ACTUALLY happened.  I dropped the full coffee filter full of used coffee grounds on the floor, and you know what, it sucked.  I was pissed.  I was in a hurry.  AND I used those exact words. “This sucks AND it’s giving me the opportunity to have a much cleaner floor.” Then I burst out laughing. Then I cleaned up the coffee grounds, mopped the floor…and only 10 minutes had passed and yes, I absolutely had a cleaner floor than I did before I dropped the coffee filter. (Because I hate mopping so it really was time to mop. LOL.)

In time and with enough practice maybe I’ll be able to skip the sucky part altogether and jump right to the opportunity part.

Having a crappy experience might give you a much bigger opportunity than a clean floor.

It might give you the opportunity to forgive, to be patient, to heal, to love (even maybe to love someone who seems really unlovable), and to make magic.

Words are magical and powerful. What words are you using to create your life experience?

Love & Magic,

Cindie

P.S. Have you joined us over at The Love & Magic Salon yet? It’s a FREE PRIVATE FACEBOOK COMMUNITY and it’s for you!  Come visit, hangout, play, and make magic with us.

Free Private Facebook Community! The Love & Magic Salon

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Coaching, Communication, Conscious Creation, General, Magic, Personal Growth | 22 Comments

Why the World Needs You to be Authentic

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Over at the Love & Magic Salon there has been a discussion about authenticity, and how to navigate social expectations that might be in opposition to what we feel is our own Truth.

I understand, it can be really hard to “be yourself”.

And of course, we have to find our self first.

In the process of finding and becoming ourselves we often run into a few brick walls and barbed wire fences – metaphorically of course. (If you are running into literal brick walls or barbed wire then your problem is most likely something other than your blossoming authenticity.) *wink*

We grow up to a veritable chorus of voices chiming in all around us to make sure we know who we should become.  “You are such a great little painter, you should be an artist,” or “You are really smart, you should become a lawyer”.

“You are going to make such a wonderful [fill in blank].”

We hear these encouragements over and over. And the people who say them to us (parents, teachers, relatives, neighbors, etc.) generally want the very best for us.

Somewhere along the line we also get impressed with what we should not do or be. Don’t be a brat. Don’t tell lies. Don’t get into trouble. Don’t do this. Don’t do that.

Don’t dye your hair green and please do NOT get a tattoo. sigh.

From day 1 we are literally encouraged and discouraged repeatedly towards one group of shoulds and away from a long list of should-nots. All with the very best intention for our highest good. Except when it isn’t.

And then…somewhere along the line we may realize that what everyone else wants and what everyone else thinks might not be exactly what is best for us. And…if we move an inch in one direction or the other there is a very real possibility of disappointing someone.

Oy. None of us want to be a disappointment.

On a larger scale this plays out in society too…we don’t want our community to “look” at us a certain way, or “see us in a bad light” or have the wrong opinion of us.

Here’s the thing, Lovebirds…you can’t please everyone all the time, anyway.

And you cannot fulfill your purpose here in the biggest, fullest, brightest way if you aren’t true to yourself.

Understand that as you become the truest version of yourself, your light will shine brighter and brighter. And bright lights are going to scare some people away.

And that same bright light will draw others to you.

And some of the people who back away from you will get curious tomorrow and want to come back and take a peek. They’ll remember the deeper things about you, the things they love, the things they trust, the parts of you they feel a kinship with.

And some of them will reach out to you again.

The qualities that will be magnified by your choice to be authentic will be the very same qualities that you need to navigate your way.

The loss of light and power we agree to when we decide to hide who we are is so much greater than the societal approval we lose when we allow our inner truth to shine forth.

There are no missing pieces in the Universe, and no extra pieces either.

And it isn’t your job or responsibility to convince anyone else of what is right for you.

You have a purpose here. And that purpose requires you to be authentic…to be exactly, precisely, who you are with no hiding, no faking it, no masks.

Because when you hide, when you fake it, when you wear a mask – you dim your light.

The world needs you to be shining as brightly as possible right now.

So shine bright.

I know you can.

Love & Magic,

Cindie

 

 

 

Posted in General | 6 Comments

Q&A: How Do I Create Balance?

balanced rock rosemary ratcliff

 

 

One of the beautiful members of The Love & Magic Salon asked about creating Balance, and because I love my Salon members, I got right on it.

And, I figured if Cassandra wanted help with finding balance, then you might too.

 

We hear about “balance” all the time, in fact there are even “life balance coaches” that specifically help people create balance in their lives.  Some people seem to think that balance is the be all and end all of successful living, while others think it is bogus – usually the people that want to throw them self into one project at a time – I’m guilty of belonging to both groups.   I guess I’ve struck a balance between the two.  (Sorry, bad pun.  But I couldn’t resist.)

Here’s the deal, balance is something we bring ourselves back to.

That amazing rock in the picture above was left behind by retreating glaciers in the last Ice Age. That rock sits perfectly balanced on top of another rock in Haida Gwaii. Even the 7.6 earthquake of October 2012 didn’t disturb it. That is amazing balance.

And, we are not rocks that can achieve balance and then remain there forever (or for an ice age). We are not static.  We are human.  We move, we fall, we get back up.

We have feelings and emotions and sometimes we have a lot of work  to do and sometimes there is a big opportunity to play and sometimes even though we have our calendar all figured out, well… shit happens.

Sometimes life is going along just swimmingly and then a tragedy happens.  We lose someone we love,  we get laid off from our job, we get diagnosed with a terrible illness, we get divorced.  These times practically demand that we get “out of balance” for a while, that we allow ourselves to sink down into the grieving process, dive into a career search, immerse our self in healing modalities, spirituality, self-love, self-care, self-discovery.

So the key to balance is to be acutely aware when we are best served by being “in balance” or are better served by being “out of balance” for a season.  And then we can be intentional and make adjustments if we choose to.

When people first begin a meditation practice they often complain that they are having trouble “doing it right” because their mind keeps wandering.  But that is the whole point of meditating, that’s why it is a “practice”..because over and over we bring our self back to our center. We bring ourself back to focusing on the breath.  Over and over, the mind wanders, we bring ourselves back, the mind wanders, we bring our selves back, the mind wanders, we come back.  Until one day we realize that the mind didn’t wander as often, or as far.

Generally, life balance (sans tragedy or anything catastrophic happening) strikes me the same way.

At one point we may realize that we have absolutely no balance in some area (or between the areas).

Maybe we are focusing SO much on work or school that there seems to be little time for anything else.  So we take some time to play.

Or maybe we one day realize that we take care of everyone else but don’t spend much time or energy on self-care.  So we shift gears.

As we get intentional about balance we suddenly become more aware of when we are beginning to get out of balance and we begin to correct our course sooner.  This way we “stay” in balance.

Instead of waiting until we are starving to eat, we recognize hunger sooner and we take care of it.

Instead of waiting until we are completely sleep deprived, we notice our need for sleep sooner and we give our self an opportunity to rest.

Instead of giving away all of our power, we recognize that we are not keeping strong boundaries and we take a step to strengthen them.

Instead of waiting until any extreme forces us to regain balance, we make a course correction and become more balanced sooner.  In this way we have less of the “pendulum swinging from one extreme to the other” type of experience.

Like anything else, balance takes practice.  Like anything else we learn from our mistakes.  And like any other rule, we sometimes choose to break the rule of balance in favor of a short term goal. Like an athlete who runs a marathon, or a writer who stays up all night to meet a deadline.  The occasional extreme is sometimes necessary, it’s when we consistently swing from one extreme to the other that we get ourselves into a place where it takes more work to regain our equilibrium.

What areas do you struggle with keeping in balance?

Remember, there are no mistakes and no “shoulds”. Let Love guide you and everything will balance out in the end.

Love & Magic,

Cindie

 

 

P.S. Have you joined The Love & Magic Salon yet? It is a free community over at Facebook full of Love, Magic, and well, it’s Beautiful.  We uplift each other and support each other with our intentions and well, our “stuff”.  It’s a lovely place and I encourage you to come right over and join us.  It is a closed group, so once you get there just hit the “request to join” button.

Balanced Rock Photo
By Rosemary Ratcliff 

 

 

 

 

Posted in General | 6 Comments