A reader asks, “How do I create an emotionally intimate relationship without sacrificing freedom?”
This is such a great question!
First, I want to ask you to define freedom? What do you mean when you speak of “sacrificing freedom?”
Because your own personal freedom is something that should never have to be “sacrificed” for any relationship.
The dictionary defines freedom as “being at liberty as opposed to being in bondage, being able to determine action without restraint, the absence of obligations, frankness of manner or speech, the power to exercise choice and make decisions without constraint.”
The first thing here is to be authentic, in your relationships, and in all areas of your life.
The biggest loss of personal freedom I see (in regards to relationships) is when someone participates in actions and behaviors that are not authentic to them in the interest of pleasing someone else.
Nothing will activate the loss of your freedom faster than the decision to become someone you are not just to be accepted. This is not freedom.
Certainly there are times when because of our desire to be of service to someone that we love, we choose to put our partner first because seeing them happy gives us joy.
We choose to give to them in spite of our own desires. In a healthy relationship both parties are willing to occasionally compromise because they know it will bring benefit to the other person, and in this kind of decision it often does not feel like compromise at all because it is a choice made without constraint and in the service of love. We choose it freely, this is freedom.
When we are open and honest about our own needs, wants, desires, preferences (authenticity) we can create emotional connection without losing our sense of self. We retain our own personal power.
Real power is power with others, not power over others. If one has power over the other, one of you is not free.
As for emotional connection, the fastest way to build it is to be sure that your words and actions are congruent with how you really feel, and what you really want and need.
That is authenticity in a nutshell, and that is freedom.
It’s also sexy, and very attractive.
Love & Magic,
P.S. If you are ready to totally transform your relationship, check out my new eBook: The Peaceful Power Process – Resolve Conflicts, Improve Communication, and Be Empowered! … and be sure to enter the code MAGIC to get it at a special price for readers of my blog!