Recently I had a discussion with a friend where we both noted that we consider our selves to be fairly “private” people. That got me thinking about what it really means when we identify ourself that way.
For me, it means that certain areas of my life I just don’t normally share with people that aren’t part of my close inner circle. But the fact is if I DID share those parts of my life with the world in general, my guess is that no one would be all that interested anyway, and certainly no one would be hurt.
And this is one of the main differences between being private, and being secretive. Generally, people keep secrets because the secret would hurt someone or damage the relationship.
Having privacy, our own personal “space” is a basic human need. Privacy is connected with healthy boundaries. Secrecy is not.
Secrets destroy intimacy whether or not the secret ever becomes known.
And most secrets do become known at some point. As the Buddha said, “Three things cannot be hidden long, the sun, the moon, and the truth.”
Secrecy takes an incredible amount of energy to maintain, and it builds up walls that block intimacy at the same time.
The strongest, healthiest relationships are built with mutual respect, trust, and open, honest communication. Privacy and healthy boundaries are a big part of the way respect plays out in a relationship, and this leads to trust, and is fostered by open communication.
Secrecy undermines everything that makes a good relationship work.
My wish for you is that your intimate relationships enjoy openness and mutual respect, and that you recognize that secrets never serve the relationship.
Love & Magic,