Are you responsible? Of course, right about now your brain has been triggered by that question to think of all the places in your life that you are responsible…Things like, “Yes, I always get to work on time, I feed my cat, I pay my bills on time, I return my voice mail, I recycle, I don’t text and drive, etc.”
I want to suggest something that you might not be thinking about though. I want to go a step further and talk about radical responsibility. This means you are willing to take responsibility for everything you are experiencing.
And what I really want to address is taking radical responsibility in your relationships. To really embrace this concept would mean that you would be willing to take responsibility for every single thing that is going on in your relationships.
I can hear you groaning. All of the he-said-she-said stuff is probably coming up. “He’s acting like a total jerk, I’m not taking responsibility for that.” “She is so needy, that is totally not my fault.” And on, and on, and on.
I get it. Sometimes the people in our life behave in ways that feel uncomfortable for us. The thing is, we get to choose our response. In fact, that is what this whole post is about…responsibility….our ability to respond. This means that our feelings and behaviors and actions are OURS to choose. Which takes us completely out of the blame game.
No more, “He makes me mad.” No more, “She really pushes my buttons.” …I mean hey, they’re YOUR buttons.
The responsibility factor shows up SO clearly in our language. So, if we’re really willing to be responsible we will own our own feelings. “You make me angry” becomes “I feel angry”. All of your feelings are valid, just be sure to own them.
This is especially true for the uncomfortable feelings as well as the comforting ones. It’s so tempting to say “You make me happy” to that someone that is really lighting you up…but no one is responsible for your happiness except you. A more responsible phrase would be “I feel happy when we’re together.”
These subtle revisions are very powerful and they take practice. Even with practice I guarantee you’ll slip up from time to time. I’ll admit that I do. Just the other day I sent someone a message that said, “You make me smile.”
The truth is, I was smiling because I was enjoying what I was feeling. Those feelings and that smile were my responses to his kindness.
If we are willing to see the whole world as a mirror we can really empower our relationships. So often what we are getting is what we are putting out. I realize that this might be a scary thing to consider. How about just considering it for one day? Just for today.
Being radically responsible is empowering, and you want to be empowered, right?
Love & Magic,
P.S. If you’re struggling in a relationship it could have to do with chemistry….have you heard my free audio class “7 Keys to Great Chemistry?” You can get it here.