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The Art of a Proper Meltdown — 6 Comments

  1. This is so true, the last thing anyone wants is to melt down/ break down in the presence of someone who’s too invested in judging you as weak or using it as an opportunity to complain for themselves.

    I often tell people that the work of true friendship is not to judge, but to allow, to observe and to accept. And of course, to believe in the best. As a friend, the holy task is to hold the space of not knowing for your other who suffers, that is not knowing how things will end, not knowing what to do next, not knowing what it all means, now knowing how they’ll do..for now. It’s to be a witness to the pain but not to be judge and jury for it, and most importantly, not to let the moment define the person in suffering.

    It’s unfortunate that too many people use the sorrow and sadness of others to assign predominance in the relationship i.e. when you’re weak (as evidenced by your break down), I am strong. I went through an intensely difficult time, let’s call it Talkshow Difficult – and managed through the years to slowly heal and rebuild. I understood that even with much sympathy and understanding, not one of my friends or family could ever truly understand the brokenness that was left behind. So I said, it’s ok, this is my kintsukuroi. At one point, I wrote a focused blog around this identity to find chances to heal some parts in obscurity and many anonymous voices helped. The darkness isn’t just there for bad things but for good things as well.

    But..to this day, if I’m in pain and express it to the same people who witnessed the trauma first hand, I’m back wheeled to being THAT person again. I realize in the end that much of that is their own pain, and perhaps their own lack of processing over the situation – it’s essentially the fear that whatever happened to me and I’m one of them, would and could eventually happen to them as well. Now if I need a melt down, I accept I may not have a willing witness, at least not for the whole thing and that’s ok. I accept that people give what they can, and that they want to. I focus more on the fact that they felt my hurt so profoundly and that they still wish to give.

    It is however a real lesson in self-love and self-care. Moments like that are not about a hot scented bath but about accepting what you need, not apologizing for it and being ok that just because others can’t show up the way you need them to, doesn’t mean they won’t show up in some way. You’re still winning.

    • Angel, thank you so much for your thoughtful comments here. I love the way you wrapped up your thoughts saying:

      “I focus more on the fact that they felt my hurt so profoundly and that they still wish to give.

      AND:

      just because others can’t show up the way you need them to, doesn’t mean they won’t show up in some way. You’re still winning.

      You truly are winning with an attitude like that.:) Sending you love and much appreciation for these powerful words. xo

  2. I love the reminder about the appropriateness of meltdowns … so many folks in conscious creation world think we’re not supposed to have them under any circumstances if we’re doing our “vibrational work” – but what you’ve described here is an empowering way to honor whatever feelings come up. Thanks for this, Cindie! 🙂

  3. I love this post, Cindie! It reminds me of how I like to say that I have people I can talk to if I want to keep rolling around in the muck… and then there are those select few I can turn to who will help me get the heck out!

    • LOL I LOVE that Lisa!! I think it’s a very worthy goal to grow that group that can help get us out!! So glad you shared that thought! xo

    • Thank you Jeannette! I truly believe that all of our feelings are a miracle, and they all have very important information for us – and even knowing that I sometimes struggle with letting myself really feel those uncomfortable feelings. Learning to have the feelings without having an inappropriate display of emotion is a valuable skill. And having people in our circle who love and support us and can bring our vibe up is invaluable!

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