Have you ever heard that expression used to describe a person? “She’s the real deal.” Usually this means that the person really can deliver what they say they can, right? That they aren’t a “poser”, but that they are who their disposition and “front” say they are. You could apply the WYSIWYG tag to them (What You See Is What You Get).
I think we all want to be that authentic. However, sometimes it isn’t as easy as we’d like it to be. Sometimes we lack confidence in ourselves. Sometimes we don’t know ourselves very well. (If this is the case…spending time with yourself and finding out who you are and what lights you up is the next step.) If we meet someone and we feel attraction to them and suddenly our inner critic starts telling us we aren’t good enough, a typical reaction would be to go into “strategy mode”.
Strategy mode requires us to analyze everything and make decisions based on what we think the other person wants. So we make adjustments to who we really are and instead become someone that is almost who we really are. I heard someone recently talk about how they used to get “lost” in relationships. She described changing her clothes and hairstyle and choice of music and activities so she could “fit in” with whoever she was attracted to at the time. In essence, she was showing up to every new relationship wearing a “mask” of sorts.
Here is the problem with wearing a mask. When you show up wearing a mask, part of who shows up is the real you, and part of who shows up is fake. Eventually the real you will show up completely (oops!…forgot the mask at home today!) and the person who you’ve been wearing the mask for will realize that they were in love with someone else (the mask).
Sometimes this feels like getting blindsided, but the truth is we weren’t being authentic and then we got found out.
Showing up completely authentic is the best strategy. When you show up as yourself you will be able to attract someone who loves you just the way you are.
Being authentic is an ingredient of great chemistry. Do you know all 7 ingredients? You have to have all 7 to have a great relationship. You can find them here.
Love & Magic,