This week I spoke to a beautiful young woman who was in the midst of a navigating a painful breakup. She mentioned a few things that had been going on lately in her relationship and she added that she just wasn’t “feeling it” for him anymore.
Unfortunately this is such a common occurrence, the excitement and passion experienced early in a relationship sometimes just fizzles out. Where does it go?
In speaking to her I mentioned that generally, (and of course I am speaking from a woman’s perspective, from one woman to another), women feel “turned on” when they feel “treasured, cherished, prized, highly valued.” She replied to me that she doesn’t remember ever feeling that way in this particular relationship.
So, my question in turn is this, How do you know? What is actually happening in a relationship when you feel valued? Treasured, even? How aware are you of the actual specific things taking place when you feel prized?
Last night My Sweetheart and I attended a birthday party Crawfish Boil. For those of you who have never eaten a crawfish (perhaps many of you, especially those of you who do not live in the deep Southern part of the United States, particularly Louisiana), eating crawfish at a traditional crawfish boil
is can be a lot of work.
Each crawfish must be peeled, and generally each eater peels his own and eats them one by one. The shells are hard and it takes a bit of technique and fingerwork to get them open. It is hell on a manicure.
Hence, my non-participation…in the peeling part. And lucky for me, My Sweetheart is totally willing to peel them for me. (Keep in mind that most of the people who EVER get a crawfish peeled for them are going to be 2 years old, and even then it might not happen.)
So, last night someone
asked me yelled to me from another picnic table (we had about 50 people partaking)..”Cindie, do you eat crawfish?”. I’m guessing that question was posed because I’m not “from here”, being a California native.
I answered, “Yes, I eat them, I just don’t peel them.” This was met with several responses all at once. Most of which were comments to their frantically peeling neighbors.
Men at a table near us: “Pfffft, doesn’t peel. HAHAHAHAHA Well you’d go hungry in my house.” (Yep!)
Women at our table: “OMG Seriously. Wow, okay, I’m seriously impressed that you have a man that will peel those for you.”
Men at our table (husbands of the women at our table): “Ha! Good thing you can peel your own, Honey, because I’m not peeling them for you, uh uh, no way.”
Of course, being a relationship coach and someone who LOVES observing male/female interaction, I was loving every moment.
And of course, who KNOWS what was said in a whisper so that I couldn’t hear. 😉
Am I able to peel a crawfish. Of course. Do I like them enough to ruin a manicure? Meh.
Do I get extreme joy from being taken care of, coddled, pampered, and tended to by My Sweetheart? A resounding YES!!!
And, My Sweetheart loves showing me affection this way too. He is a giver, and I have learned how to receive. Does he worry that other men will think I have him wrapped around my finger, uh, no I don’t think so. (Note: My Sweetheart says: “I love being pampered as well”)
Do I worry that other women will think I’m setting back feminism, disempowering myself or being some kind of prima donna? No.
And by the way, when we are together I never open my own car door. And…of course I can open a door.
I’m not saying that what works for me will work for you. I am saying that I know what feels good to me, what turns me on, what keeps me interested, and I pay attention to what is going on when I feel cherished, treasured, prized.
Do you know what is really working for you in your relationships?
When you pay attention to your feelings and to what is actually happening when you are feeling really great, you’ll have a nice guidepost on the way to creating even more opportunities to feel wonderful.
Love & Magic,