What Women Want

In order to be a member of my email community, I request that you ask me a question, specifically “Your #1 burning question about loving happily ever after”  (and if you aren’t a member, why NOT?? Join NOW!!—-> )

I get A LOT of questions.

I get A LOT of the SAME questions.

A question that comes in often (or a variation of it) is “How can we keep our love alive?”

“How can I keep her interested?”

“How do I keep from getting bored?”  “How do we keep the fireworks going?”

You get the picture, and even though my email community is mostly women, the above questions were submitted by men.  So, Guys, this one is for you, and Ladies…please read and if this message resonates with you please leave a comment below!

My question to anyone that is asking this (and yes, my Dad told me it was sneaky and not very diplomatic to answer questions with questions but Hey, I’m a coach, I ask questions), is this:

What did you do to attract her in the first place?

Recently I heard someone say, “Back when I was wooing her…”  As if it was a phase that had ended.  I quickly interjected that when a man stops wooing a woman he will begin the process of losing her.

Harsh words.  I know.  But here is the thing, wooing a woman is like an internship.

My son’s first job began as a bar back in a sushi restaurant.  That’s really dirty work, first to get to work, last to leave, hauling heavy boxes of bottles and cleaning nasty floors.  He dreamed of being a sushi chef.

The managers laughed, until he offered to work for free.  Then the negotiations began.

My son offered to work for free until he learned how to make sushi that passed the owner’s inspection, however long that took.  He was wooing them.  He worked hard.  On his day off he would come home from the grocery with what seemed like a hundred cucumbers and he would practice peeling them paper thin over and over.  He worked nearly a year for free. He made sure his sushi was not only delicious but beautiful.   And now…

Now he makes some of the best sushi in the city and he gets paid to do it. He won them over.  He still works for them, he still works hard.  He still makes delicious and beautiful sushi.

But what do you think would have happened if he would have worked hard during that internship, impressed the owners, got the paid position, and then became a sub-par sushi chef, only showing up some of the time, or making sushi that was sloppy or unappetizing?

Do you see the parallel?  When a man is wooing a woman he shows up, he works hard, he treats her with respect and honor, he compliments her, he sends her sweet messages when they are apart, he buys her romantic gifts, he dresses nice, he smells nice, he sends her flowers, he makes her laugh, he opens doors for her, he really listens to her, he is polite and charming because he is making a serious effort to win her.

And it works.

Why does this work?

Because she is thinking OH MY GOD this is the kind of guy I want to be with forever!

She is then willing to do just about anything for him.  She wants to give him her heart, her body, her mind, her gifts, her love, her truth, her devotion, her whole self.

And she will, because she has been “sold” on him.  She is “buying” what he’s “selling”.

And when he stops delivering it is painful.

So, how do you keep her interested?  How do you rekindle the fire? How do you keep from getting bored?  Just do what you did in the first place.  She’ll thank you for it.


Love & Magic,


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