“Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?”
I’ve heard it explained that there are two houses you can choose to live in, the one where you are experiencing Life and the one where you are Right. You can’t live in both places at once.
The issue here is that so often we enter into a difficult conversation with the goal of being “right”.
And so often to prove that we are right, we engage in something called “wrong-making”.
That is, to prove that I am right, I have to prove that you are wrong. This elicits resistance in the hearer as she then begins to defend her own “rightness”.
Here we go round the mulberry bush. You are wrong. No, I’m not, you are wrong. And the moment we start down this road we are both competing for victim status. You wronged me. No, you wronged ME.
My guess is that if someone came right out and asked you if you wanted to be a victim, you would unequivocally say “NO!” Maybe even, “Hell No!” And yet, as soon as we begin to defend our own state of “being right” by “proving” the other party is wrong, we’ve begun to claim victim status.
This whole circus can be avoided by choosing to see the situation from a non-judgmental perspective, as if there is no right, no wrong. It just is what it is.
And once you choose this perspective, the energy around the discussion will completely change.
Here are a few practical tips:
1. Suspend judgment, just for the moment. Realize that you don’t have all of the facts, and if you are certain that you do, pretend that you might not.
2. Say “no” to wrong-making. Let go of the attachment to being right.
3. Let go of being attached to any specific outcome.
If you’ve read this far in my Conscious Communication series you have
- become willing to have a difficult conversation (Part I),
- began to be aware and present (Part II)
- learned how to make the conversation about you (Part III)
- have chosen to be happy instead of being right (Part IV)
Next time we’ll finish up the series with Part V, The Power of Silence
Until next time, I wish you Love & Magic,
P.S. If you are ready to totally transform your relationship, check out my new eBook: The Peaceful Power Process – Resolve Conflicts, Improve Communication, and Be Empowered!