“Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love. We melt into another world, a realm of power already within us. The world changes when we change. the world softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world.” ~Marianne Williamson
The above beautiful quote mentions the idea of “melting into another world, a realm of power…”
In contrast to this “melting into a realm of power” idea…I sometimes deal with people who are “having a meltdown.” NOT the same thing. Thankfully, it is not a daily or even weekly occurrence, but occasionally a client arrives at our session frazzled, overwhelmed, upset, or maybe a friend or family member will call in the midst of an emotional crisis or need help sorting out a painful situation that has them at their wit’s end. I have some experience in dealing with meltdowns.
Occasionally the person having the meltdown is me.
Last week was one of those occasions. I had a series of small things happen and the combination of them felt overwhelming and unsettling. I was uncomfortable and felt like everything was falling apart. (You’ve been there at least a few times in this lifetime, yes?)
I was pulling out all of my magic tricks to fix the problem, but I needed help. I realized that the situation that had me in such distress was not the real issue. The real issue was me. I recognized that to be feeling so
shitty uncomfortable was the result of my needs not being met. But I had not yet really figured out WHAT needs weren’t met, or WHY this was effecting me in such huge way.
I reached out and asked my Handsome Sweetheart for help sorting it all out. I explained what was going on, how I was feeling, and asked him to help me figure out what it was I needed. (easy peasy, right?)
Now, you realize that anyone who lives with me hears my “stuff” all the time, they HEAR the stories of transformation that I’m honored to facilitate and humbled to witness with my clients, they SEE a near constant stream of miracles, magic, amazing synchronicities, and serious life-shifting stuff going on over here. They see me at my best (The Magical Mentoring Life-Shifting Miracle-Working Empress) and occasionally they see me at my worst (The Overwhelmed, Melted Down, Confused, Frantic little girl).
Hopefully when you think of me you are generally picturing the former. 😉
So…knowing firsthand the super-powers that I often exhibit, my Handsome Sweetheart replied to my request for support by saying: “I want to help, but I don’t feel qualified.”
My reply to him was “The Qualification is Love.”
I really meant it. And today, this idea came up for me again while mentoring an amazing coach. She was asking for advice, she had a client who admitted to being “in a very, very bad place.” She felt out of her league, like maybe her expertise in coaching wasn’t quite what this client was needing. She felt like her qualifications weren’t enough in this case. I have no problem with referring a client to a therapist, counselor, or doctor…and have done it myself when necessary.
And, I reminded my client that the qualification is Love.
Love is what qualifies us to reach out, to offer support, to listen, to open our hearts, to pray, to speak kind words, to understand, to empathize, to sympathize, to relate to another human being. Love.
As human beings we don’t have to give advice when it isn’t asked for, we don’t have to have all the right strategies and answers for everyone else, we don’t have to be the expert in whatever it is that would heal someone in order to be a part of someone’s support system. You don’t have to be the whole support team. Just be the part that you are qualified for – your qualification is Love.
All of the other alphabet soup after your name, all of those phenomenal tools and tricks and learnings and knowings that earned you your own powerful medley of qualifications are secondary to the most powerful thing that qualifies you to help and support someone, even yourself. The first and foremost thing that qualifies you is Love.
Years ago when I was in coaching school my relationship coaching instructor told me of a fabulous quote that was one of her favorites, “Listening is so close to loving you can hardly tell the difference.” (unknown author)
That idea made a powerful impact on me.
So the other day when I felt like I was on the edge of a meltdown and asked my Handsome Sweetheart for support in figuring it out, I really just needed to be heard (and of course he did a wonderful job listening and hearing me, because he is wonderful and powerful and because he loves me.)
And sometimes the experience of overwhelmy-frantic-meltdown happens because I stop listening to myself. I can be so good at pushing my own thoughts and needs aside for now. Letting them wait. Doing one more thing first. And then…those inner voices get louder. When they all get louder at once it feels like a meltdown. And all I really need to do is to get quiet enough to listen to myself…to love myself.
The next time someone you love is in a dark place, struggling with difficult emotions, feeling overwhelmed, heading for a meltdown…reach out and just offer what you are qualified to offer…give them Love. Listen to them. Even when that someone is yourself.
Because listening is so close to loving you can hardly tell the difference. And Love is the qualification.
Love & Magic,