Here is a great secret for you to live by: great relationships with others (especially significant others) begin with you having a great relationship with yourself.

And yes, I’m aware that we hear this all the time, “you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else” and “you need to be good to yourself”, etc. and YES, I am aware of how cliché that sounds. The main problem here is that most of the time we don’t know WHAT that means exactly (to love ourself) or HOW to do it!

So, I want to let you in on the secret….first, it is easy. You just need to treat yourself the way you want a lover to treat you. Do you want to be a priority in your lover’s life (as opposed to being an option)? Then make yourself a priority in your own life.

Let me tell you a story that illustrates this. For years I was the absolute QUEEN of putting everyone else first, and I’ll be the first to tell you that years of putting everyone else first will not make you feel like a Queen, or cause anyone to treat you that way.

When someone would ask me, “Where do you want to go to dinner?”, my stock answer was, “I don’t care, where would you like to go?” And even if I was just dying to try out a new place, I would still defer to their preference and do it all with a smile on my face. I wanted to be “nice”, and considerate, and loving.

One day, I was doing a few chores around the house and thinking about some news I had just heard: A group I belonged to had made a decision. I found out because they were happy to tell me the news. No one had even asked my opinion first, and I was a leader of this group. And even though it was a very small insignificant decision, I felt left out, and really, like a second class citizen. Honestly, I was hurt, and angry.

While thinking about this I heard the Universe speak to me in no uncertain terms. “This bothers you? What do you expect? You consistently put yourself last. Isn’t this what you want?”

NO!! It wasn’t what I wanted! I decided then and there that I would begin treating myself with respect. And not surprisingly, the way others treated me shifted.

Do you give yourself as much love and respect as you give to others? If your relationships with others aren’t filled with mutual respect, maybe you aren’t respecting yourself as much as you could. Start with you. Be good to yourself.

Love, Magic, & Respect,


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